You Forgot Your Oversized Tie

Posted December 19, 2014 by mykleraus
Categories: Days of Our Lives, Soap Opera, Television

Tags: ,

Maybe it’s because I don’t have a fancy journalism degree, but I truly was surprised to learn that the first rule of interviewing a celebrity is “Dress like Paula Poundstone circa 1998.”

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Of course Will was completely oblivious to the fact that Paul was intrigued by him. I’m not sure why (not that Guy Wilson is bad-looking by any stretch, but that outfit is truly heinous and certainly does not give the stereotypical ‘this guy is dressed well, so he must be gay’ red flag), but it could make this entire thing deliciously messy. Also, of course Will is going to wind up outing Paul in his article and then blame it on everyone else.

Also, what’s with that cute/slutty bellhop?

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“Mr. Norita, I assure you that I can be discreet. It’s what I do when I sleep on the bottom bunk, if you get what I’m saying. Here’s the dessert you ordered — I brought a selection of cutlery, but I’m sure you’ll prefer the big spoon, amirite?! Now let me know if there’s any other way I can service you!”

Stop mooning over these married doofuses and get it, Paul!

What Happened in Salem: Week of Dec. 15th

Posted December 19, 2014 by mykleraus
Categories: Days of Our Lives, Soap Opera, Television

Another week, another terrible Eve Donovan plan. Meanwhile…

Eric and Serena kissed, but he explained to her his reservations about getting involved with anyone right now. Serena, take it from me: if you burn dinner, you will never hear the end of how he can’t forgive you for ruining that roast! Nicole spotted them together, and Eric caught her researching Serena and let her have it, since he presumed she was up to something and not just online-stalking an ex’s new flame like every other person on Earth does. He warned Serena to watch out for Nicole, and Serena swore she can take care of herself, though I’m not sure she was sufficiently warned that she’s up against a woman who once had her husband electrocuted in the bathtub. Meanwhile, Daniel and Nicole agreed to postpone their date until after the holidays, so he can talk about it with Jennifer and Eric some more, just in case that horse isn’t beaten to death and buried six feet under yet.

Check out the full recap to see What Happened in Salem this week!

Those Donovan Ladies

Posted December 19, 2014 by mykleraus
Categories: Days of Our Lives, Soap Opera, Television

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Pop quiz: which of these women is more bananas?

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Answer: it’s a trick question. They’re both completely batshit!

Good to see you, Kim. Poor, crazy Kim — brave, abuse-survivor Kim, who became a therapist, which in the real world would be commendable but in Days world just means she’s more of a whackjob than any patient she will ever treat, forever one piece of bad news away from going back to hang by Chloe’s dumpster, dressed up in one of Theresa’s work dresses and calling herself “Lacey.” And then there’s desperate, nutty Eve, who’s so concerned over her college-aged daughter’s love life that she had to fuck her boyfriend (“Just doing quality control, honey!”) and now thinks it’s totally okay to blackmail a doctor into claiming that her father’s health is way worse than it is just to keep Paige in L.A. That’s not bad karma or anything. “I know Grandpa looks fine, but he’s really ready to kick it at any minute, and the doctor says the only thing that can keep him alive is the love of a good granddaughter!”

It’ll actually be a miracle if Paige doesn’t lose her shit completely at some point, considering that she’s related to Shane Donovan, or as we might need to start calling him, Agent No Woman Left Sane. And if it doesn’t eventually get revealed that Theresa was abused by Kimberly’s ex-husband, Phillip Collier, then I’ll… well, I’ll eat Nicole’s hideous Gay Pimp From New Orleans coat.

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Hickory Dickory Dock, We Can’t Afford a Clock

Posted December 17, 2014 by mykleraus
Categories: Days of Our Lives, Soap Opera, Television

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Is every scene with Serena going to end with her staring at some offscreen clock, declaring, “Is that the time?! Oh no, I’m always late!” before rushing out?

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There’s “lovably quirky,” and then there’s “This woman is such a spaz that she shouldn’t be allowed to hold a job, and also, I don’t for a second believe that she glanced at an actual clock.”

The verdict is still out on the Serena character for me. I like Melissa Archer, and I like her interactions with Eric, but they’re hitting us pretty hard with the whole “This woman has a backbone but is also adorably zany!” stuff. I don’t mind that they wanted to hit the ground running by giving her this backstory with Eric and knowing his family, but it also makes it tougher to invest in their relationship, since we missed the part where they actually fell in love. Also, am I drunk (not yet!), or would Melissa Archer with slightly darker hair have worked as a Chloe recast?

What Happened in Salem: Week of December 8th

Posted December 15, 2014 by mykleraus
Categories: Days of Our Lives, Soap Opera, Television

While Melanie’s big secret was revealed and resolved in the space of one episode…

Abigail and Jordan established some kind of community outreach program at the hospital, presumably to knock patients unconscious through boredom before they get malpractice committed on them. Clyde told Abigail and Ben that he would like to donate money to get the program off the ground, but he insisted on the donation being anonymous so that Jordan wouldn’t get upset — though it’s not like she could spend any more time marching around with fart-face, shrieking at people. While Jordan and Chad took their romantic courtship to the next level — finally making love after weeks of making out at her workplace and arguing with people in the park — Rafe asked for Victor’s help investigating Clyde.

Read the rest to catch up on What Happened in Salem last week!

He Needs a Stylist, Not a Shrink

Posted December 13, 2014 by mykleraus
Categories: Days of Our Lives, Soap Opera, Television

Tags: ,

I know that when my psychiatrist comes by the house to talk about my father raping my aunt, I always put on my nicest leather-shouldered sweater.

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Did Sami send him this as a Christmas present?!

I was going to complain about how they had JJ see some dayplayer shrink and not Marlena, but I suppose it’s probably wise of Jennifer not to have her teenage son see a psychiatrist who was possessed by Satan.

Our Long National Nightmare is… On Hold?

Posted December 11, 2014 by mykleraus
Categories: Days of Our Lives, Soap Opera, Television

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When Jennifer opened her door in Wednesday’s episode, my train of thought went something like this:

1) Oh no, it’s Daniel.

2) They’re going to talk about their relationship. How much time do I have before they start screaming?

3) Do I have any wine?

4) I forgot I drank all the white! Oh my god.

5) How long before an opened bottle of red wine goes bad? I think I only opened this one in mid-November…

6) SEND HELP.

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But — and maybe I’m only saying this because my blood-alcohol level is dangerously low — I actually found their scenes bearable. I know! I haven’t said that since probably 2012. These scenes certainly felt like a bow on the Jennifer/Daniel “love story,” meant to end it gracefully and move both characters on to something new, but I don’t believe that. I think this is more of a reset, either in response to the terrible reception their stories have received or just because the story kind of dragged on for too long, and they’ll be back to whining and pining in no time. The thing is, though, that if they normally acted together the way they did in yesterday’s scenes — having a rational, adult conversation, asking questions and allowing one another to explain rather than jumping to the most damning, juvenile conclusions — then I wouldn’t have Dannifer PTSD in the first place. Why couldn’t they be written like this during the course of the actual relationship?


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