Archive for June 2011

This Seems Perfectly Normal

June 30, 2011

I know I should just refrain from expecting anything on this show to make sense, ever, but I can’t help it. And it’s going to be the death of me.

To review: Justin received notice from the Social Services lady that she would be in town with Parker. Justin, who was eating at Chez Rouge with his family, phoned Chloe and asked her to meet him there. Chloe came on down, expecting to have to sign some papers or something. The Social Services lady surprised her with Parker.

In theory, this is all very sweet. In reality, however, I have some serious questions:

  • Why was Parker in Salem at all? Is Philip making another invisible visit? Wasn’t he “in town,” like, three days ago, tops?
  • If Philip is not in Salem, then why the hell is Parker there? Did the Social Services lady schlep him all the way from Chicago without notifying Chloe or Justin?
  • If this is the case, did she go to Chez Rouge because Justin was there, or did she just randomly decide to hang out in the bar of a fancy restaurant with an infant on the off-chance that the mother could pop by for a visit?
  • Why did Justin not even tell Chloe why he wanted her to come to Chez Rouge? I know everyone in this town just spends all day long wandering around, but she theoretically might not have seen it as important enough to come rushing over. Perhaps explaining that her son was there might have helped.
  • Why is this show forcing me to ask these questions? Why can’t anything just happen in a normal way?!

The Pills: A Look Ahead

June 26, 2011

The following is a new promo about Carly’s drug addiction storyline. In the event that you are truly captivated by this tale (in which case, I presume you are also popping various and sundry pills as though they were M&Ms), I will place my commentary behind a cut.


She is Literally THE WORST

June 24, 2011

Let me get this straight. Taylor  shoved Hope, causing her to fall and hit her head on the pier. Taylor — who is outraged that Rafe ostensibly shoved her mother down the stairs and then left her to die — then abandoned her in an unconscious heap. To die, even. And then when Bo grilled her about it, she was all, “Yeah, I pushed that bag of bones into a post, and I left her ass lying there! And I would do it again!”

Is there any chance that Hope’s recent DEPUTIZATION (!!!) could make this a case of assaulting a police officer and thereby get Taylor thrown in jail? Because, as much as we’d all be okay with it, I’m not sure she can get the electric chair simply on the grounds of being a heinous bitch.

What Happened in Salem: Week of June 20

June 24, 2011

This week’s What Happened in Salem recap is now up at MyHourglass. An excerpt:

Stefano made a whole bunch of noise about getting the best care for EJ, making sure he doesn’t die, blah blah. You would think he’d be used to this, seeing as how this is, like, EJ’s third serious hospitalization in a year. I would just be like, “Peace out. I’m going to the Pub to get some Wanchai Ferry and Cheerios.”

Credit Where Credit is Due

June 23, 2011

Hey, you guys! Look at me! I’m not complaining or being negative!

After an interminable, boring, ridiculous May and June, things are finally getting interesting. EJ’s beating and the movement with FakeRafe and Fay’s murder have roped in a whole bunch of people and pushed various stories forward (plus, we got THE CAMEO). Jennifer spotted the open capsule of… pill on Carly’s desk and was genuinely suspicious. And there have been a whole bunch of great character scenes lately. Those scenes where Kate stormed into the Horton house and confronted Jennifer about dating Daniel were fantastic. In all these years, I’ve never really thought of Jennifer as “Kate’s son’s sister,” even though I always remember that Jen and Lucas are half-siblings. Those two tearing into each other was so unexpected and satisfying. And then we had those great, quiet scenes between Nicole and Maggie this past Monday.

Those are two characters whom I wouldn’t immediately think would have anything in common, but there’s plenty: the raising of non-biological children, the substance-abuse issues, the ties to Victor. There wasn’t an overt story purpose to those scenes, but they helped move both characters forward an interesting and surprising way. That’s one reason I’ve been such a supporter of this Tomlin/Higley regime the past two years: they haven’t been afraid to throw two random characters into a room and see what happens, what conflicts or commonalities can be mined. I know part of it is probably budget-related, as in, “Crap, these two are under guarantee, and we have airtime to fill, so how can we use them?” But it works. That stuff will keep me watching just as much, if not more, than the actual stories. Same with the Maggie/Julie scenes from Wednesday’s episode. Couple that with actual plot movement, and I’m a happy camper.

I also got some good (intended!) chuckles out of Vivian’s reactions to Gus’s report on Quinn. She was delighted by insinuations of his various crimes and misdeeds, until it appeared he might be… an agent.

Stefano also had a great one, to Bo: “The last time you solved a crime, Bill Clinton was in office!” (And he’s being generous.)

Then there was the less-intentional but still-amazing hilarity of Hope and Taylor on the pier on Wednesday. I loved Hope’s appalled look when Taylor said that she and EJ are together, as if to be all, “Bitch, you are stupider than you look!” Then there was Hope declaring, “I’ve been deputized!!!

And the cherry on top of this idiotic sundae was Taylor shoving Hope, who despite bracing herself with her hands, managed to hit her head and crumple to the pier like a bag of bones. The “action scenes” on this show never fail to deliver the LOLs.

Daytime Emmy “Recap”

June 20, 2011

I was planning to do a big Daytime Emmy recap, at least as they pertained to Days. Unfortunately, there was no time for soaps during this two-hour commercial for Las Vegas tourism. (Seriously: Vegas has a variety of shows I can go see? Who knew?!?!) While I’m glad that they found sufficient time for Marie Osmond to perform a timely and necessary rendition of “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy,” it was more than a little depressing how they raced through the soap content as if cancellation might be contagious.

Anyway, the relevant bits:

– James Scott did not win for Outstanding Lead Actor, despite having one of the best reels in the field. Michael Park from As the World Turns won, and he’s a great actor and apparently submitted a very effective reel, so whatever.

– Chandler Massey’s name was mentioned among the nominees for Outstanding Younger Actor, which were flashed on the screen so hurriedly that I was pretty sure the Las Vegas Hilton had just caught on fire.

– Galen Gering and Arianne Zuker presented an award together, and the less said about her stick-straight extensions and bangs, the better. I’ll leave it at this: her hair actually looks better on the show than it did last night, and that is not a statement I should ever have to make.

Um, that is literally it. You would think someone might have bothered to mention that Days is one of the last four daytime dramas standing, but nope. They did “pay tribute” to the recently cancelled All My Children and One Life to Live by forcing Susan Lucci to stand onstage while a drunken Shemar Moore hit on her and then rolled a clip package consisting of… flashbacks of all Erica Kane’s weddings with the heads of various daytime talk show hosts (including Ellen DeGeneres) superimposed over her grooms? That was the point when I checked to see if my glass of wine had LSD in it.

So if you missed the show, you missed nothing at all, except a bunch of embarrassment and agony. Let’s just say that, when one of the tearjerker charity packages featured a mini-interview with a young girl battling cancer, I didn’t feel bad for her because of the cancer, but because she was made to be a part of the Daytime Emmy telecast.


June 20, 2011

Can we please discuss what happened on Friday’s episode?! It was legitimately, as my friend put it, “the most hilarious [ed: also INSANE] thing that’s happened on this show since Marlena fell off the terrace and landed on Sami.”

First, Sami barged into the DiMera mansion, exhibiting about as many manners as she ever does as she verbally and physically assaulted Mary. Also, FakeRafe was flailing all over the place, and Sami just said that Rafe had too much to drink at dinner, and Mary didn’t think it was weird that they all came stomping in instead of leaving the rowdy and disorderly drunk in the car.

Then Mary left them alone, as you do when a band of unwelcome guests storm into your employers’ home. Hope injected FakeRafe with truth serum. Sami proceeded to whip out THE CAMEO and put it on…

And then! AND THEN! The truth serum caused FakeRafe to hallucinate that Sami was Fay!

From here on out, you’ll have to bear with me, because I was howling so wildly at my TV that I might not have gotten my facts straight. Also, truth serum apparently causes you to hallucinate.

Then Bo dragged FakeRafe to the top of the stairs, where he badgered him about having pushed Fay or something, and Sami went up there, and FakeRafe kept seeing her as Fay, and then she fell down the stairs just like Fay.

And Hope just stood there all, “Sami!” This whole scene caused FakeRafe to freak the hell out and blurt out, “I killed her just like I killed Fay!”… just in time for this to happen:

Taylor must have, like, snuck in through the back door and come rushing when she heard all this nonsense. Meanwhile, Mary has not noticed any of this complete fucking ruckus taking place in the foyer?!

On the plus side, Taylor heard FakeRafe exclaim that he killed Fay, and though I’m sure she will be more concerned about THE CAMEO, that should move this plot along quite a bit. Also, I’m not 100% certain, but I’m pretty sure Sami just stood up and was fine after that fall. Then again, she survived Marlena falling 900 stories and landing on her, so who the hell knows?

If you haven’t watched Friday’s episode, look it up, because it was hilarious. And if you have, well, go watch it again. It was seriously the perfect climax to this cameo insanity.