Archive for April 2014

Please Make It Stop

April 28, 2014

What’s that, Ben? You’re upset that your sister is dating a cop?

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Yeah, well, how do think Rafe’s family feels about him dating a walking bottle of Lunesta?

(Hope pops up in the background screaming and she’s like, “Lunesta?!” Then she bops you over the head and steals your wallet, which would still be preferable to having to sit through this interminable Jordan garbage.)

I’ll Buy You a Ticket

April 24, 2014

Congratulations on getting into Stanford, Paige! I hear Palo Alto is lovely this time of year. Go, go! Don’t let this opportunity go to waste! And don’t worry about visiting home ever again!

Ugh. How much longer am I going to have to tolerate this JJ/Paige snoozefest?

Meanwhile, Days released promo photos of some new cast members, including True O’Brien (Paige) in this… interesting ensemble.

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Nice long sweater coat and flared jeans with insane embellishments. I’m sure your classmates, Jessica Simpson and the TRL audience, will all be clamoring for the same get-up.

Then again, given how far in advance they film, it’s totally possible that this photo was actually taken in 1999 when Paige started shooting…

The Day That Never Happened

April 24, 2014

We need to talk about this.

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First things first: LOL.

Once you finish watching that over and over… okay, I’ll wait… still waiting… okay… let’s discuss Monday’s episode. You know, that episode of James E. Reilly Days, a.k.a. Passions, that we were all subjected to.

Actually, calling it Passions is a bit of a disservice, because the first half of the episode was fantastic. It was over-the-top in the best way — raw energy and emotion, with those shockingly long scenes between Sami and EJ. Alison Sweeney and James Scott both brought it during that extended fight sequence, as Sami went from confused to shocked to furious to devastated. I wish we could get scenes of that length and depth more often.

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What Happened in Salem: Week of April 14th

April 21, 2014

Hashtag of the week: #PoorDaniel.

If you thought Salem turned out in full force for Alice Horton’s memorial, you’d have been blown away by the groundswell of support for poor Daniel, which stopped just short of having Tom Horton rise from the grave to reinstate Daniel and name him Chief of Staff. Jennifer’s family and friends supported her during this difficult time, which is obviously much worse than the time her husband was killed. Nicole intended to come clean about her suspicions regarding Liam, but he blackmailed her using the Chyka-related documents that he caught her destroying, so she eventually stayed mum. Brady, who has not listened to his grandfather, father, or AA sponsor about his reckless behavior and dangerous relationship, was suddenly swayed by hearing about Daniel’s predicament; he dumped Theresa and vowed to stop drinking, all in the name of aiding Daniel.

Catch up on the other, non-Daniel-related happenings by reading the full What Happened in Salem recap!

Wednesday Gripes

April 17, 2014

“I’m on a field trip to see how frozen yogurt is made!”

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REALLY, Chase?! First of all, that is the saddest sentence I have ever heard, and secondly, you’d better go inside, because the place has posters for windows!

Also, Hope reading that note was too damn much.

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It’s a thank-you, not a missing letter from Colleen to Santo! Cool it with the mysterious glances.

And can we make this Marybeth girl go away yet?

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What’s with the incessant hatred of JJ? She’s like a less funny (not funny at all) Anne Milbauer for the millennial set.

What Happened in Salem: Week of April 7th

April 16, 2014

The answer: ALL THE GLASSES.

Let’s do some algebra: X scolded Y about his relationship with Theresa. This week, if X equals “Roman and Maggie” and Y equals “Brady,” how many glasses of wine do I need to get through this show?

To catch up on actual new scenes that aired this week, check out this week’s full What Happened in Salem!

The Tannest Hero of All

April 10, 2014

You know that part in Zoolander where Will Ferrell’s character (Mugatu? It’s been way too long since I viewed that cinematic masterpiece) explains, “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!!”?

That was how I felt watching Wednesday’s episode.

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JJ has to trade on his connection to Daniel to win a girl’s favor?

I repeat: JJ

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— has to trade on his connection to The Great Doctor Daniel Jonas to win a girl’s favor.

IS THIS REAL LIFE??

Those scenes seriously played like a parody of everything I mock about this show. Paige gushing over Daniel was ridiculous. JJ fawning over Paige gushing over Daniel was absurd. Of course Daniel saved Paige’s friend’s mother’s life… by performing an appendectomy. Is that so miraculous? I’m pretty sure Lexie “Malpractice” Carver could’ve done that without killing the poor woman. (Okay, let’s not go nuts here.) But how does anyone write — or perform — this with a straight face?!