Archive for January 2018

Bad Girls Club

January 31, 2018

I must say, I can’t help but admire Vivian and her delight in all her heinous acts. Bragging about how she’s “at large” after the shit she’s pulled was not only hilarious, but refreshing.

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Can you imagine if Hope would just be like, “Yeah, I killed Stefano and got away with it, and I dragged my entire social circle into a dangerous cover-up!” instead of barely going through the motions of faux-guilt every few months?

I’m enjoying a lot about how they’re using Vivian this time around, but I’m going to be annoyed if they don’t give her any scenes with Victor and Maggie. Especially after they got her all the way over to the Kiriakis mansion just to be strangled by Brady. And strangely, this woman with a long, public history of attempted murders is not the chief suspect in Salem’s current murder mystery.

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But don’t worry too much, Anna. You’re the first real suspect and the first one taken into custody. There’s no greater assurance that you’ll be exonerated!

As for whomever actually did kill Andre: if you’re going to pull something like that, maybe pick an office where more than five other people work? It was awfully convenient how not a single other person went strolling down that hallway for hours…



January 27, 2018

This might not have been my first choice for “winter day in the Midwest when I’m a suspect in a murder that happened last night or the night before that, but who knows because time is a flat circle in Salem,” but am I nuts for not hating it?

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Mostly I continue to be in awe of what excellent shape Camila Banus is in, as well as her ability to pull off stuff like this. She certainly pulled it off better than she or Marci Miller pulled off that nutso “No, you’re capable of murder!” conversation. Sorry, ladies — you’re both quacks. But I might give Abigail the edge here. It’s weird how they’re suddenly referencing Abigail’s history of mental illness all the time without pointing out how absolute goddamn crazy it is that she’s sobbing over the death of Andre DiMera, of all people.

Elsewhere on a random generic bedroom set that’s supposed to be in the same mansion, the Widow DiMera is taking time from rehearsing for Salem’s Shakespeare Festival to mourn the 97th lover she’s lost in the past five years.

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The conversation between her and Chad was actually pretty sweet, if you ignore the completely deranged underpinnings. Try as these writers might, I’m just never going to feel anything resembling sorrow for Andre or anyone who loved tolerated him.

It was rather strange how non-urgent everything was this week, considering last Friday ended with the discovery that a character who’d been on the show for 35 years had been murdered. Nothing exemplified this better than the fact that Anna called Carrie on, like, Tuesday, and she’s still not there to represent her mother. Guys, she’s coming from Zurich. She should be able to get to Salem in the space of a single commercial break. Speaking of travel, I appreciated the mentions that Abe actually did accompany Theo to South Africa, and that Celeste is there… even if I cringed a little at the reference to “Lexie’s family” being nearby. I can’t believe I have to ask this, but we’re aware that not all black people just default to living in Africa… right? Right?

Don’t Drink the Water

January 25, 2018

I’m a big fan of day drinking, but the next time one of my buddies is like, “Hey, let’s order some shots!” at lunch, I’m going to… well, I’ll probably just keep a close eye on my shot until I down it. Since apparently you never know when one of your good pals is covertly poisoning you.

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I’m intrigued by this whole John/Steve setup. I’ve seen a bunch of posts about how “This makes no sense” and the like, but it appears that the point is that there’s a mystery as to why in the hell John would be drugging Steve, thereby giving him dizzy spells and damaging his vision. That doesn’t mean it won’t all fall apart once the explanation actually comes out, but I’d like to have some faith and go on this ride with them for at least that long.

What I am confused about is why John needs to coerce Steve into getting wasted just to drug him. Does this potion not work in La Croix? I could see Steve being a closet Pamplemousse guy…

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I’m also considering starting a tally for every time someone says something like, “John, you’re poisoning my husband!” If the precedent set by all the “Adrienne just isn’t herself!” fakeouts and wink-wink-nudge-nudge comments during the Bonnie storyline are any indication, I’ll be out of paper by the Super Bowl or so.

Elsewhere in Salem, I have another idea of who’s been doing midday shots.

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Unless Brady is wasted, I have no idea why we’ve had to watch two episodes of him indulging his bizarre “Wouldn’t it be hilarious if I let people think I murdered Andre, LOL?” schtick. Aren’t these people involved in homicide investigations a little too often to think that kidding about them is a good idea? Or maybe he’s just desensitized because he’s realized that no one actually ever pays for murder here.

I’m about at the end of my rope with this Brady/Sonny “feud,” though. Am I supposed to be rooting for anything here besides the sweet release of some poisoned tequila?

Strike a Pose

January 21, 2018

We spend a lot of time here discussing (ripping on) the women’s stylistic choices, but Friday’s episode introduced some interesting looks on the male side of things, so let’s set aside Gabi Bleak for a minute and get to it.

Lucas! I have never been so thrilled to see someone have a haircut and a shave!

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He looks so cute and… bright. For all we know, that rehab was just a functioning salon, but it seems to have done the trick, appearance-wise. TBD on the behavioral stuff, though. I’m not sure one of the top rules of rehab is “Ask your ex-wife who cuckolded you on a date the minute you get out.”

This is also a look I’m a big fan of!

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Let’s try and ignore the part about how his own mother barged in on him like this, and when he said he had to get dressed, she just retorted, “There’s no time for that!” I guess we know where he inherited his workplace proclivities from.

And, finally, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such a stunning and appropriate look on a Salem man as this one:

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Sure, he’s drowned in quicksand and shot himself and been mauled by a tiger and disconnected his own life support, so I’m hardly expecting this one to stick, but what a damn relief for the time being. It’s completely insane that they had to rush to contrive motives for a bunch of people to possibly have murdered this psychopath. “Sure, he had half my family ‘killed’ and held hostage, but interfering with an IPO? That’s the final straw!” But it gets us a dead Andre, and that’s infinitely more preferable than “sneaky, bitchy Andre who everyone pretends wasn’t a serial killer twice,” so I’m onboard.

Another Visit

January 19, 2018

And we don’t have to wait until 2020 for this one to air!


Wheels Up

January 19, 2018

Theo’s off to another continent, but for once, they bothered to specify an actual country (South Africa) rather than just letting us assume he’ll join Bill Horton and whomever else in downtown Africa like so many others have in the past.

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Either Kyler Pettis was really digging deep (in a way he really hasn’t before) to play Theo’s final scenes, or he’s genuinely sad to be leaving the show. It’s absolutely insane that the only one remaining from the teen scene that launched just two years ago is Olivia Rose Keegan’s Claire, and she wasn’t even on contract that first year! What a mess. I’ve liked Pettis fine as Theo, but I’m not opposed to some clearing of the decks and a more focused reset for the character. Incorporating his autism in a more consistent way — one thing I’m truly surprised Higley didn’t do, since it was her baby from the inception — would be an interesting way to go if and when they bring him back.

Speaking of Theo’s autism, this barely paraphrased exchange between Abe and Valerie had me rolling:

Abe: I think I might move to South Africa until Theo’s treatment is over.
Valerie: But you can’t! You have mayor-ing to do!
Abe: Good point. I guess I’ll just ship him off alone!

If only there were some kind of middle ground for moving your teenage son with autism to another continent for a year…

And how unfortunate that Theo has to leave just as Gabi Chic (Gabichic?) is honoring his grandmother with its Celeste Perrault Collection.

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Thank god Nicole is nowhere to be found right now! You know she’d be popping up in a different one of these flammable favorites every day.

I still have no idea whatsoever what Gabi Chic actually is — Wigs! Aromatherapy candles! Bowls! (“Those are all things ladies like, right?!” I can hear someone asking in a meeting) — but I’m enjoying the DiMera Enterprises offices. Having an actual office setting goes a long way toward selling some of this corporate nonsense.

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Plus, what a lovely stomping ground for constant sexual harassment! (Groan.) I really have no idea why someone thought “We have a good actor playing an intriguing new character, so we’re going to make his main character trait ‘harassing his employees,” but here we are. I think I get what they’re going for with Abigail and Stefan, but it’s somehow both forced and boring. The show needed some fresh dynamics, but Fifty Shades of the H.R. Department ain’t one of ’em.

Primetime Actor Joins Days

January 17, 2018

This one gets a firm “Sure, why not?” from me…