Archive for April 2013

Take It Off

April 29, 2013

Isn’t it kind of weird that in a week that involved a good chunk of Salem convening at a strip club to perform and/or watch…

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…the skankiest thing that happened still took place in a damn church?

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There’s “getting caught up in the moment,” and then there’s “consciously beginning to have sex in the office of a church rectory without locking the door.” They paid lip service to common decency with Nicole’s offhand comment about not wanting to go back to her room in the convent, but at least it’s a private bedroom. What, was the couch in the Town Square already occupied? I like the vibe between Nicole and Vargas, but that was disgusting.

The Magic Mike knockoff was about what I expected: cheesy but fun. I liked seeing Sami in a playful environment for once, and Caroline has been making these strip club scenes hilarious. I’m not sure what to say about the hospital administrator being named Mr. Burns, or about how stripping to benefit children is infinitely creepy, but it was a nice bit of silliness. I thought it was cute how Galen Gering played Rafe as uncomfortable with the stripping, whereas Brady is a total ham who could get into it. The Kristen/Sami exchanges were amusing, too. So: not a disastrous embarrassment. Victory!


Hie Thee to Hulu!

April 29, 2013

I could say this is a rare non-Days-related post, but actually, it’s very relevant.

Today, All My Children and One Life to Live make their dramatic returns from the dead as original series produced for the web. They’re available on Hulu — which, if you’re using the basic platform, does not require paying!


I wasn’t a regular viewer of either when they were airing on ABC, but I was always aware of what was generally going on, what the shows were about, etc. Their cancellations were a huge blow to the genre, and their online revivals are nothing short of miraculous. This could be a viable new venue for ensuring that Days lasts no matter how much more of a mess NBC becomes (which is a scary thought, given what a disaster it already is). So go support these revived series and the genre as a whole by giving them a look! (Also, prepare to get depressed about the fact that All My Children, a webseries, has an actual Porsche speeding through real streets, while we have Abigail walking in front of the backdrop of an elementary school play.)

What Happened In Salem: Week of April 22nd

April 29, 2013

The Envelope continued its reign of terror, and a good chunk of Salem congregated at a strip club. Meanwhile…

Sami and EJ announced their engagement to Stefano in hopes of putting him in a good mood so that he would agree to help Will with Nick and the baby. Stefano — the man who has spent decades of his life and millions of dollars on aimless schemes intended to break up couples who break up at the drop of a hat anyway — did not take the bait.

Read the rest to catch up on What Happened in Salem last week!

Journey to the Past

April 26, 2013

I’m dreadfully behind this week, but can we take a moment to get excited that they mentioned Neil Curtis?!

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Kristen: It’s weird, isn’t it? It’s kind of like Neil Curtis dropping off a Hummel to add to your collection at Victor’s, right? I mean — and then asking you to take a stroll down memory lane.
Maggie: Not exactly. Because for us, it simply would be possible to have a nice stroll.

I genuinely don’t think the guy has been mentioned in two decades. And I don’t think he’s about to come crashing back into Salem to reveal some ridiculous secret, either. (Never mind that it’s kind of weird for Kristen to drop his name, since he was gone from Salem before she showed up — I guess she’d be aware of him because he’s the father of Maggie’s daughter, though Maggie barely seems to remember that Sarah exists…)

Who’s going to get mentioned next? Long-lost Tommy Horton? Though with our luck, someone would mention him, and in the next scene, Hope would have a horrifying flashback of Uncle Tommy creeping into her bedroom when she was a little girl, and we’d all be wishing they would just have left him in the attic.

Stay Classy, Set Dec

April 21, 2013

How am I just noticing that cartoon fro-yo shop in the Town Square?

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You know why it’s called Day & Night Frozen Yogurt? No, not because it’s open 24 hours a day — because the employees can’t tell what time it is because they don’t have real windows. What is this, a f***ing fourth grade play?!

What Happened In Salem: Week of April 15th

April 21, 2013


Chloe “Skull Like a Rock” Lane finally accepted that Daniel doesn’t want to be with her. Ashamed of her recent behavior, she decided to do what’s best for Parker: leave him with people he barely knows while she goes off to receive treatment at an in-patient program for a few months. Chloe left Salem, intent on pulling her life together, while Parker stayed behind with Daniel and Jennifer.

Read the rest to find out What Happened In Salem this week!

Our Long National Nightmare is Over

April 20, 2013

So, Chloe’s gone off to some two-month in-patient program for Soap Opera Craziness. To which I say: GURL, BYE.

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I was really excited when they announced Nadia Bjorlin would be returning. Chloe’s last stint was so depressing and damaging, what with the suicide attempt and the prostitution, but they did a nice job of giving her a hopeful send-off. Then they brought her back and made her a total deranged nut. She actually has seemed more pathetic this go-round than she did when she was being blackmailed into having sex with men for money. Think about that.

Just about nothing in this story worked. I don’t care enough about Jennifer and Daniel as a couple to care whether someone breaks them up. Daniel never expressed any interest in Chloe, so she never seemed like a legitimate threat, anyway. And they’d just been through a version of the same damn story with Nicole! Sure, there were individual scenes that worked very well — and Nadia Bjorlin, who’s got charisma in spades but has never exactly been a master thespian, did some great work — but Chloe was almost entirely unsympathetic because she seemed so tone-deaf and ridiculous. They paid lip service to her doing all this because of her residual self-esteem issues over having been known as Ghoul Girl, but there was so much more to dig into. This is a woman who grew up in foster homes until she was 16. She didn’t have a relationship with her parents as a child. Was that fueling her obsession with making herself, Daniel, and Parker be a “real family”? Was it because she had two failed marriages before Daniel and felt like this was her last chance to prove that she could make something work? I don’t know, because they spent months having her run around like Wile E. Coyote, moving from one foiled plot to the next with a deranged grin on her face.

They did an admirable job wrapping up her story and sending her off with some semblance of dignity, all things considered. But it shouldn’t have been necessary to cobble together some two-episode save to redeem Chloe, because they could have done a triangle without her coming off like such a jackass. For now, I’m actually glad to see her go, because once again, Chloe Lane needs a rest and a reset. I hope this isn’t the last we see of her — but if they’re going to bring her back in a capacity like this, then no thanks.

Meanwhile, in Brady’s storyline, it’s Passions. Or Days in 1996.

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I think we have talked sufficiently, in various character combinations, about how Titan wants to acquire some art and what kind of art they’d like and how nice art can be to discuss and how this is going to be so fun. WILL SOMEBODY JUST OPEN THE F***ING ENVELOPE?!