Archive for March 2011

A Post Unblemished by Negativity

March 25, 2011

I know it’s rare that I post anything on here without at least mocking someone’s hair or clothes or complete inability to emote, but that’s what is happening now.

Cast members are volunteering to rebuild a home in New Orleans for a family affected by Hurricane Katrina, and they’re soliciting donations to aid in that effort and, if possible, to raise money for additional homes. The information and donation link can be found at

If you’re able and so inclined, there are worse ways to spend a little money. I know I could give up one night of heavy drinking — spurred, coincidentally, by my continued viewing of this show — to help out some very deserving folks.


Gays of Our Lives

March 23, 2011

…and for once, we might not just be talking homoerotic subtext!

Entertainment Weekly published an exclusive today speculating that “a gay storyline may be in the works” and that “it may involve a current cast member hooking up with someone new.” If you read the article carefully, you’ll notice that there is absolutely no concrete information — every single thing is hypothetical, and “a show spokeswoman declined to comment.” But this has to have been published for a reason, right? I could publish an exclusive about how “Michelle Obama may be cheating on the President with a horse” or “a dog in New Mexico may be learning how to speak”… but if I didn’t have an actual source, then it’s kind of a waste of space, no? My guess would be that someone at the show floated the idea to the media to try and gauge viewer response.

So, presuming that where there’s smoke, there’s something flaming, I’ve prepared a list of the possible candidates. I’m hiding this behind a cut because it involves discussion of potential future stories and might wind up including actual spoilers — so consider yourself warned!


How Do You Solve a Problem Like Jack Deveraux?

March 22, 2011

Look, I don’t know why they didn’t bring Matthew Ashford back as Jack. I suspect that they wanted Jennifer on the show but wanted her available for story, and bringing Jack in with her limits the possibilities. I know lots of people would argue that a happy couple doesn’t have to be boring, and they could be investigating things and facing serious issues together, and I get that. But from a dramatic standpoint, it also works to tear Jennifer’s personal life down and then take her (and us) on a journey to rediscover and rebuild it.


Comedy… of the Rare (Intentional!) Kind

March 15, 2011

So, um, Vivian has become rather extraneous lately, hasn’t she? They’re obviously trying to transition her into something else, seeing as how she’s finally given up on Victor and Titan, but I’m not sure that doing the exact same thing with Stefano is going to be progress.

However, I do love when she rants and raves about Maggie, as if she cannot believe how such a creature can even exist in the same universe as her and Victor. Her line on Friday cracked me up:

“That housewife… that pathetic widow, with her volunteer work.”

The way she said “volunteer work,” it was as if she were describing Maggie’s penchant for murdering babies and selling their organs on the black market. Thus, I had a nice chuckle that had nothing whatsoever to do with Taylor’s “dramatic” facial expressions.

State of Affairs: A Couples Report Card

March 13, 2011

It’s been said that romance is one of the key ingredients of soap operas. Well, that and no one ever staying dead. But also romance. There has been a lot of movement on the couples front in Salem lately, so I thought this would be an appropriate time to take stock of the various pairings.

Ratings are as follows:


= BRB, writing Days a letter to thank them for helping me save on Ambien!

= I smile now and again, and I don’t feel an overwhelming need to guzzle the entire contents of the thoughtfully placed decanter in my living room, so: not bad at all.

= Thoroughly delightful. I don’t even mind watching them have 75% of their scenes on that damn pier.

= Let’s be honest: this is Days in 2011. No one is getting five.


It still amazes me that, in 2011, we’re watching a major love story between these two characters. Maggie was ignored and relegated to hanging out with the geriatrics for years; Victor was constantly having strokes and being shoved off-screen. Both of them were killed off (“killed off”) in 2003-04, only to be brought back to linger around on the backburner some more. But last year, with Maggie being widowed and Victor being given his bite back, they started building an unlikely bond. And this week, I actually cheered when this happened:

The great thing about these two is they have so much internal conflict. Maggie is a pillar of the community, a support system for so many people (relatives and non-relatives alike), and a widow still devoted to the memory of her late husband. Victor is a cantankerous old tycoon. They’re both fiercely protective of their loved ones, but they’re making each other take a second look at their preferred methods. There’s so much to play between these two — I mean, can you imagine Maggie Horton ever moving into the Kiriakis mansion?! — and I’ll be delighted to watch it play out in the years to come.

(That said, there was something a little cartoonish about the scenes where they actually kissed. Suzanne Rogers was huffing and puffing and clucking her head all around like a chicken; I think she was going for “flustered,” but it was a little over-the-top. Still, cute.)



A Tumble Down Memory Lane

March 7, 2011

This has absolutely nothing to do with anything currently airing on Days — well, except for providing historical evidence of Kate’s addiction to accessories — but every few months, I find myself Googling either “Marlena lands on Sami” or “Marlena falls down the stairs.” What we have here today is the latter.

The show was an absolute disaster from 2004-06, but there was something delightful about watching what was essentially a live-action cartoon. In the following clip, it’s just come out that Marlena and Roman conceived a child while being held captive in the DiMera castle (yes). Things to watch out for:

  • As were most things between 2001 and 2007, this incident really seems to be All About Belle.
  • Martha Madison (Belle) is sporting one of her typically unflattering hairdos, which makes it appear that, on the way to meet with Shawn, she ran through a tornado and then got attacked with a can of AquaNet immediately afterward.
  • Jason Cook (Shawn) in that white polo. Yum.
  • The fact that 60-something Marlena is having a legitimate conversation about being pregnant. Come on. Would the doctor have had to deliver the baby through a haze of Vaseline, too?
  • John punching the Botox out of Roman’s face at 7:38. Roman, as would be the case for anyone whose person is primarily composed of injectables and plastic, bounces right back up.
  • The pièce de résistance, right at the end, where a woozy Marlena for some reason decides to wander to the stairs and then takes the tumble that ends her miraculous pregnancy.
  • The absurd zoom on Kate screaming at 9:57. This show can’t even do a reaction shot without being ridiculous.

For those mostly interested in the fall itself, skip ahead to 9:30, or click here.

We’ll Never Run Out of Material For This Game

March 3, 2011

It’s time for another round of These Writers Have No Concept of Time, Space, or Human Logic.

Case in point: Abigail’s age.

I’m not sure if you noticed, because it was very subtle, but I feel like we were supposed to glean something from the dialogue yesterday. Very slight paraphrasing here:

Jen: You’re so grown-up!

Hope: Look at you! You’re a woman!

Abby: I’m not a little kid anymore.

I think they’re trying to tell us something.

Granted, this is some of the more realistic dialogue on the show. Relatives do this sort of fawning, and young adults are always reminding you of just how grown-up they are. But did they expect us not to notice that Abby is grown up by, um, the fact that she is an adult woman?

This insistence that she is a GROWN-ASS WOMAN is even more absurd because, when she left the show five years ago, she was already an adult. Ashley Benson was 15 playing, like, 21, because they sped up her and Chelsea’s ages so much. At the least, Abby has been frozen in time for half a decade; at most, she has de-aged. So it’s not like they have to keep reminding us this is the same character who was a toddler a month ago…

Lack of plausible mathematics aside, this new Abby ain’t bad so far. She’s cute, she has nice mother/daughter chemistry with Melissa Reeves, and she seems capable of delivering her lines without looking like she is about to pass out (unlike some recently arrived recast relatives, Taylor). You wanna know what was bad, though?

There’s a term for this, and that term is, “OH HONEY, NO.”

If I were Jennifer, I’d be less concerned about Abby talking smack about her father and more disturbed that she apparently killed Bambi to fashion a vest for her return to Salem.

Case in point: This Fake-Rafe plot.

Stefano thinks it’s time to kill the real Rafe, because he is becoming a liability. EJ is having his usual attack of conscience after doing something awful and thinks they should keep Rafe alive. Fake-Rafe is getting himself into trouble by sparking a feud with little Allie (hilarious) and copping a feel from Stephanie (also hilarious, because as soon as Sami saw them, her head spun around 360 degrees and Stephanie might as well have been Carrie).

I understand that the real Rafe’s continual efforts to escape might cause problems with the DiMeras’ plot… or I would, if I had any idea what the hell they’re trying to accomplish.

Let me try and break this down: they want to make Sami suffer, so they kidnapped her husband. Except they hired a man to have himself made over as Rafe’s doppelganger, so in Sami’s eyes, she still has her husband. He’s acting kind of jerky–but he just suffered a brain injury from a car accident, so Sami understands that she needs to be patient and understanding. So… the plan is to cause a moderate amount of irritation and inconvenience in Sami’s life?

It’s been a while since the DiMeras had a plot this stupid and convoluted. Not as bad as the time Tony wanted to ruin his enemies’ lives, so he killed one half of every couple… only he just faked their deaths and whisked them off to a tropical replica of their town. Why not just kill them in the first place? Isn’t that kind of a major investment for very little payoff? If someone wanted to set me up on a tropical island that looked just like my home (with more plants) and provide me with all the amenities I might require for a comfortable life, I think I’d be okay with that. Crackerjack plan, guys!

All in all, however, Wednesday’s show was pretty enjoyable, if a bit slow. I was going to say there was no Taylor, but they managed to cram in that flashback of her and EJ meeting on the pier, and I SWEAR, IF I HAVE TO SEE THAT GODFORSAKEN SCENE ONE MORE TIME, I AM GOING TO THAT PIER MYSELF AND I’M STRANGLING BOTH OF THEM WITH EJ’S SCARF.


On the plus side, Hope looked lovely, and she’s showing signs of her old spark without forgetting all about the ordeal she recently went through.

The hair! The glow! She even managed to make that fur-adorned vest not look stupid. But let’s keep that between you and me, shall we? I don’t want to give Abby any ideas.