Archive for June 2016

Actor Out

June 30, 2016

This one’s not too surprising, but it is a bit of a relief…



Women in Peril

June 30, 2016

Summer looks like I feel watching this week.

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It says a lot about the current state of this show that I completely forgot she’d killed a man and had Dario help her cover it up and dump the body. Why is this inherently any worse than what Hope or Joey did? For that matter, isn’t it more justifiable, since he was physically assaulting her? I know, I know, Hope and Joey are “good” (i.e., related to cops), whereas Summer is “bad” (raised away from Salem). And don’t even get me started on the fact that Summer moved out of that hotel for, like, 48 hours to move in with Maggie and Victor, only to go back to the hotel and move into the exact same room. I know that when I kill someone in a hotel room, as one does, I do whatever I can to maintain a visible connection to that room in case someone starts making noise about the dead person’s whereabouts.

On top of being stupid, this whole thing is so anticlimactic. We’ve had to put up with months of Summer moping around limply, and the big reveal happens… in Maggie’s living room after Brady finds out from John. And said big reveal is basically that… Summer did exactly what she told them she did, and Brady was dumb enough to get played. What suspense! What drama!

Meanwhile, Nicole has a new style icon: Kelly Rowland from Destiny’s Child, circa 2002.

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I guess it’s a progression from when she was modeling herself after a Melrose Place-era prostitute, and she’s moving in the direction of contemporary style. I can’t wait ’til she gets to 2009 Lady Gaga!

Speaking of Nicole, what ever happened to that nauseating setup of Brady fantasizing about her after he got Daniel’s heart? It really does feel like these writers put every idea they had into the scripts and then decided what they would and wouldn’t follow through on.

What Happened in Salem: Week of June 20th

June 25, 2016

Another logic-free week of Salem adventures!

After having about two therapy sessions, Ciara announced to Marlena that she might like to pursue a career in psychotherapy. A normal therapist would have either laughed in her face or gently explained why that’s a terrible idea, but since this was Marlena — who has been able to resume her practice after a Satanic possession, a serial-killing spree, and about 12,000 kidnappings — she promptly pulled some strings to get Ciara a volunteer job at Shady Hills. Conveniently, Chase was also being transferred there, and when they came face-to-face, Ciara decided that she wouldn’t back down in fear and resolved to keep her new job.

Read the full recap to catch up on What Happened in Salem this week!

She Doesn’t Have the Range

June 25, 2016

Far be it from me to miss out on a meme opportunity. If you haven’t witnessed the explosion of the She Doesn’t Have the Range meme, go here for a primer. And if you have…

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It had to happen, right?

Salem Spectating

June 23, 2016

Marlena’s face when Ciara told her she wants to be a psychotherapist was pretty perfect.

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“Oh, honey! Robots can’t be therapists!” See?

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I was trying to get a screenshot of Ciara’s reaction so I could comment on how ridiculous it is that a teenager would be so excited about an internship at a mental hospital, but this was the most she gave me. Case closed.

In other news, I’m so bored by most of these mash-up episodes (seriously, are they just slapping random scenes together until they have 38 minutes of footage?) that I paid an inordinate amount of attention to the food being eaten at the Brady Pub on Tuesday…


Pizza My Heart

June 21, 2016

Here’s a hypothetical scenario for you: Some guy you met months ago calls you for help, and when you show up, he’s battered and bloody but refuses to call the authorities. You then take him home, where he confesses that he introduced himself to you using a fake identity under false pretenses so that he could garner information on a family you’ve been close to for years. Do you a) call the police and get him the hell out of your log cabin that looks like it smells like mothballs, or b) allow him to spend the night and interact with your young son, then make him a frozen pizza and consider allowing him to hang around to be a role model for said son?

If you are Chloe Lane, the only possible answer in your overly bronzed head is, of course, b!

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I couldn’t even follow her logic from one minute to the next. She stealthily calls Nicole to try and figure out what’s going on, but when Nicole calls back, Chloe ignores the call and continues her chat with Deimos and then leaves her phone sitting on the table instead of bringing it to the damn kitchen and texting Nicole. She refuses to take Deimos’s money but offers to whip up some food for him. Who is she taking advice from — Hope?!

Meanwhile, maybe she wouldn’t have to be resorting to the DiGiornos buried in her freezer if Abigail hadn’t cleaned out the fresh dough at Trader Joe’s.

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I know this is supposed to be a serious story about mental illness and paranoia and whatnot, but I can’t stop giggling every time they cut to Abigail lying there with that thing on her face. I’m pretty sure my brothers and I used to do the same thing with my mom’s baking scraps when we were in grade school.

On the plus side, it was great to see Jack again, however briefly, and I was surprised by how happy it made me to watch cousins Shawn Douglas and Abigail interact after all that time. Can he maybe go and try to talk some sense into his old friend Chloe next?

What Happened in Salem: Week of June 13th

June 20, 2016

The police continued to hound both Kate and Nicole about Deimos’s murder despite not having a body, even though they routinely let various relatives off the hook for actual confirmed homicides…

Chloe brought an injured Deimos back to her house, where she recalled meeting him in Chicago, where he introduced himself as “Robert” and asked her about the Kiriakis family. Assuming that Chloe is too dumb to use EweSearch to check the news, Deimos came clean with her about his real identity but begged her not to call the authorities, because someone just tried to kill him. Chloe agreed to let him spend the night on her couch, as one does when a shady character tells you that he cozied up to you under false pretenses and doesn’t want to let the police know that his life is in danger.

Read the full recap to find out What Happened in Salem last week!