Archive for August 2014

It Can Always Get Worse

August 29, 2014

Remember when it was so annoying how everything was happening in the Town Square or in the park?

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Well, now 80% of the show appears to be taking place in storage closets. I “can’t wait” for the first time everyone is all, “We booked such a beautiful and grand wedding venue — but since we got locked in Victor’s cellar/the Titan supply closet, we might as well just get married here!” To be fair, though, a gay beer pong tournament would’ve been more plausible in a basement than in the middle of the damn mall…


Casting: All Your Womenz are Belong to Salem

August 29, 2014

Two female arrivals coming up — one a return, one a new actress, and both appearing before the end of 2014, which is nothing short of miraculous considering they’re so far ahead in filming that they’ve probably filmed Christmas 2017 already.

Behind the cut in case you prefer to be totally unspoiled…


Bam! Pow!

August 26, 2014

This probably points to some deep moral failing inside me, but I really never get tired of people marching up to others, declaring, “You bitch!”, and then slapping the shit out of said other person. I wish I could do that in real life. (Can I?)

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This whole ordeal with Sami and EJ has really turned Abigail into an A+ slapper. Then again, I think she got her first one from Carrie, who was one of the ’90s queens of them. Maybe there was some weird transfer of energy there (like when Madonna kissed Britney Spears to suck the youth out of her and transferred all her crazy in the process).

What Happened in Salem: Week of August 18th

August 25, 2014

While Will’s article was being loaded on cheap iPad knockoffs all over town…

Kristen was charged with all manner of Bad Crimes and then granted bail of $1 million, which Stefano handily posted. Kristen was given an ankle monitor and some strict instructions: “Ma’am, you must wear this monitor at all times, and you are not allowed to go anywhere besides the park, the Town Square, your family’s mansion, Club TBD, the Brady Pub, Jennifer’s house, the hospital, and any room that might have blue walls. Do I make myself clear?” Kristen promptly wandered over to a bench, where she came face-to-face with Brady.

Read the rest to catch up on What Happened in Salem last week!

A Business Af-FAIL

August 21, 2014

I didn’t realize Geocities was publishing original content these days!


Or that Parker was working in the graphics department at TruVista! No wonder all the kids on PalPage are making fun of Abigail for being involved in this.

Do yourself a favor and read the full article, which primarily leaves me with the feeling, “Thank god Will is married to someone who can pull strings and get him a writing job!” I know I shouldn’t be surprised that this was done on a budget/incompetently (after all, I do watch Days of Our Lives), but really.

Everyone is Terrible

August 20, 2014

You know what might actually make Daniel a hero? If he tossed this tiresome bozo in a laundry truck (preferably offscreen) and shipped her off to parts unknown.

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Either Mary Beth is psychotically in love with Paige or she is just the absolute worst. Don’t you have anything else to worry about? 

Speaking of psychotically in love… I can’t with JJ proclaiming, “I would do anything for Daniel!” If I were Paige, I’d be getting concerned.

Nothing is Sacred

August 20, 2014

I was finishing the final season of Weeds (yes, I know it’s not 2012, shut up), and look who popped up!

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She wasn’t a maniacal H.R. worker trying to get Nancy fired, since Nancy never held a legit job long enough for that to be possible (but if she had, there’s no doubt she’d be just as bad as Jennifer Horton), but still. And speaking of Anne… look at me not mentioning that barf-inducing scene from last week where Theresa suggested that Anne might have a shot with Daniel and Anne totally ate it up. Is no one safe from this scourge?! 

Monday’s episode featured an entire sequence with dialogue that was pretty much exactly what I’d write if I were creating a parody called Days of Daniel’s Life:

Hope: We’re so lucky Daniel caught Kristen! Now Eric can have justice!
JJ: But most importantly, Daniel wasn’t hurt!
Hope: And Jen, what about your date with Aiden?
JJ(eyes fall out of head) Date? Why would anyone want to date anyone besides Daniel?!?!

Ugh. God help us all if Daniel ever has to operate on JJ…