Archive for December 2013

What Happened in Salem: Week of December 23rd

December 29, 2013

The Hortons celebrated Christmas with their annual ornament-hanging ceremony, and Sami celebrated her every-six-months ritual of covering up a murder…

EJ confronted Sami with the “N.F.” tag that he found down by the river, and she had to come clean about what happened to Nick. EJ dragged her back to the river to clean up any lingering evidence and also because they have to get their money’s worth out of that set. (Coming up next: Jennifer decides to hold the next Book Club meeting by the river so the ladies can commune with nature! Will insists on holding Arianna’s birthday party down by the river–cue panicked hysterics from Gabi, which she insists are because she forgot to pay the cable bill!) A mysterious figure watched Sonny and Gabi at the Town Square and then outside the apartment. Inside the apartment, they loudly discussed Nick’s murder. Gabi received a text from Sami telling her to burn her coat, but when she went to fetch it, she was shocked to find Will reliving his 2011 by hanging out in the closet, ostensibly having overheard them. Meanwhile, Sami and EJ seemed to find Nick’s corpse floating in the river!

Read the rest to find out What Happened in Salem this week!


Blessings and Curses

December 27, 2013

This will never fail to make me cry:

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The Christmas episode was incredibly well done, no? It always delights me to see the Horton living room so full, and as corny as it probably was, the whole speech (and Maggie addressing the viewers and using the phrase “all the days of our lives”) made me so happy. Bonus points: it didn’t even make me want to punch Maggie in the throat, which is rather unusual these days. Oh, Days, you are like a second, very unreliable, insanity-inducing family to me.

You know what else made me cry?

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I cannot with these two young adults sitting around bemoaning their mother’s love life like a pair of old biddies. I have a well documented blind love for JJ, but it just about died the second he grumbled, “I’m upset that Mom is going on a date WHEN SHE’S STILL IN LOVE WITH DANIEL!!!” Who is he, Shawn Douglas circa 1997? Is no one safe from this blight?!

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

December 25, 2013

“I’d really like to talk to you about saving our marriage. Won’t you please leave your family gathering for a few minutes and come out to this bench where people go to buy drugs?”

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Now that Maggie has put her marital problems behind her, maybe she can focus on the fact that, despite refusing to look at or speak to her, Marlena is totally ripping off her style.

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Be careful, Doc! This is a dangerous path. You’ll have verbal diarrhea about Daniel in no time!

This week has been delightful so far, though. I loved Sami telling EJ that maybe the “NF” on the tag stood for Nathan Fillion, and Stefano saying that he had to go pick up some coal for his children’s stockings. Stefano’s whole return has been pretty hilarious, from the way he burst into the mansion–

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–to him telling Rafe, “Buon Natale!” and Rafe responding, “Up yours.”

You know who could use a Christmas miracle, though?

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What are they doing to this woman?! She’s dressed like a pregnant businesswoman from 1992. I’m seriously shocked there were no shoulderpads involved in this.

I know what I want for Christmas, though.

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Now there are some Horton balls I’d like to hang on my tree, etc. I’ll even forgive that rendition of “Silent Night” where he looked like he was passing a kidney stone.

Now I’m off to watch the Christmas episode, for which I’m shamefully excited. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone!

What Happened in Salem: Week of December 16th

December 25, 2013

The cardboard walls continued to close in on Sami, Kate, and Gabi…

For someone who allegedly didn’t want a surprise party, Will sure spent the entire week obsessing over what kind of cake and what color balloons Sami, Kate, and Gabi were going to have at his party. I hope they’ll consider serving humble pie, because this kid needs to stop assuming that everyone is constantly planning gran surprises for him. Meanwhile, in the realm of events that are actually happening, Gabi found out that Sonny knows what the three women did to Nick, and she begged him to keep quiet. When the family took baby Arianna to see Santa at the Town Square, they were horrified to discover that “Santa” was none other than the birdwatcher who’d spotted them in the woods. I don’t know why they’re so worried, because you know who sounds like a pretty easy witness to discredit? A wacky British mall Santa who goes birdwatching in the dead of winter and obsessively remembers things like the type of backpack a woman he met for five minutes was carrying.

Check out the full recap to catch up on What Happened in Salem last week!

Idiocy is Definitely Genetic

December 23, 2013

Are we sure Will isn’t really Austin’s kid?

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Because I swear, not since the days of Sami hoodwinking Austin have I seen someone so eagerly, so obliviously, march into rooms and declare things like, “I know what’s going on here… You all look so suspicious because you’re discussing what kind of piñata to have at MY SURPRISE PARTY!!!” Yes, you idiot, Gabi constantly looks like she’s going to shit her pants because she’s worried you’ll find out they invited Marlena and Eric over for ice cream cake.

You know who Sami will not be inviting to this imaginary party? Ciara.

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I was seriously waiting for Sami to just shout, “Give me my earring, you little bitch!” And Ciara’s line about Hope needing a warrant to search everyone’s stuff but hers was too damn good. Between those scenes and all the recent Sami/Kate stuff, I think we’ve found (rediscovered) what Alison Sweeney needs to be doing. This Sami is so much more entertaining than the weeping heroine torn between three lovers of a few years ago.

R.I.P., Days

December 23, 2013

No, Days of Our Lives has not been cancelled… but it has done the surest thing a daytime television program can do to ensure such a fate.

They cast Daniel Cosgrove!


For the unaware, he played Bill Lewis on Guiding Light in its final years… and then, after it was cancelled, he moved to As the World Turns, where he took over the role of Chris Hughes… and after that show was canned, he returned to All My Children to play Scott, a part he’d played in the late 90s.

Guess why he left All My Children? Yep. Cancelled.

I actually have fond feelings toward Cosgrove, mostly because of his appearances on Dirty Sexy Money (remember that show?) and in Ryan Reynolds’s seminal film Van Wilder (in which he had to rush out of an important exam to go shit explosively in a trashcan after being slipped a major laxative). But this seems like a terrible idea, right? Like, they are asking for it. I’m concerned.

Also, it seems he’s going to be playing someone named “Aiden,” which is both a name I like and a name that reeks of Generic Soap Hunk. I don’t really know what they need another guy in that age range for, considering that we have Brady, Eric, EJ, Rafe, Daniel, Lucas, and this new dullard Liam the Pharmaceutical Rep… but maybe he’s the guy Jordan is running from and will have an intro more exciting than, “Hey, have you met Liam? He’s very nice.”

I’m skeptical, though.

What Happened in Salem: Week of December 9th

December 17, 2013

Just another week of drug deals and murder plots in sleepy old Salem…

Is narcissism hereditary? Will certainly proved that he is a descendant of Marlena Evans when he saw Sami, Kate, and Gabi together and jumped to the conclusion that they must be planning a surprise birthday party for him. Listen, kid: any time you encounter three people whom you happen to know, they are not necessarily discussing you or planning something elaborate in your honor. They could have been swapping child-rearing tips. They could have been discussing the state of Jennifer and Daniel’s relationship, seeing as how this is Salem and that’s all anyone else seems to care about. They could have even been covering up a murder! As it turns out, that’s what they were doing. Sonny volunteered to eavesdrop to find out what Will’s party was going to entail, and while he got his R. Kelly on and was trapped in the closet, Sonny  overheard the truth: that the only bash those three biddies are concerned about is the one that Gabi imposed upon Nick’s skull before they dumped him in the river.

Check out the full recap to catch up on What Happened in Salem last week!