Archive for March 2014

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

March 31, 2014

Has anyone else noticed that the new Salem High set is the lost half of the Town Square?

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JJ and this dead-eyed bore had better watch out for his father falling from the rafters or pregnant women tumbling down the stairs!


Safari Chic

March 28, 2014

It’s been a while since I was this perplexed by a Kate Roberts outfit, but this one is a doozy.

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(Apologies to you guys and Lauren Koslow for the screenshot.)

As best I can tell, she put on a blouse made from the hide of a cartoon cheetah, then topped that with a pullover leather vest, and then adorned herself with a complicated breastplate/necklace that Allie made during arts and crafts time. If this woman put half as much energy into running her company as she does into getting dressed and worrying about Jordan, she’d own all of Salem.


Driving DiMera

March 28, 2014

Look what I saw on my way to work yesterday. I didn’t know EJ drove a Lexus!


Props for versatility, though: right now, it can be read as “Lovin’ Sami,” but when her latest scheme/betrayal/evil man-drag alter ego is exposed, it becomes “Leavin’ Sami” with no fuss! (Abigail’s been reading it that way all along, though.)

What Happened in Salem: Week of March 17th

March 25, 2014

A terrible party was the centerpiece of the week’s action:

Some couples rent out the local coffeehouse-cum-nightclub for an engagement party; others choose to wait until the wedding to share their joy with their loved ones. If you are mature fifth graders Jen and Dan, though, you invite some pals over for a pizza party to celebrate the mere fact that you are (once again) dating. The party was, of course, the kind of disaster you might expect when two dysfunctional adults buy some Two-Buck Chuck and invite over a defrocked priest, his ex-porn star girlfriend, two other uppity people who hate each other, and two generally reasonable adults who happen to be black and thus must be shoved together at all turns. At the party, Eric and Nicole had tension over his insistence on waiting until marriage; Hope and Aiden snapped at each other, left separately, and then had coffee to establish that they will continue to dislike one another; and Maxine wondered what she had done to deserve any of this. Meanwhile, Liam showed up at Jen’s house under false pretenses, stole one of her high-necked, floor-length nightgowns (with alluring lacy trim!), and then rolled around in his bed sniffing it and having fantasies of being with her. Hell, who can blame him for going nuts? I lose my mind just having to watch the woman on TV. If I were breathing her fumes, I’d probably be ready to be institutionalized, too.

Check out the whole recap to catch up on What Happened in Salem last week!

The Devil’s Trousers

March 22, 2014

Oh, Jennifer looks nice today.

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I wonder what she’s–


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No wonder you’re having to browbeat people into coming to your party, lady. (That and the fact that you and Daniel are two grown-ass people throwing a pizza party to celebrate the fact that you’ve [once again] gotten back together.) Those pants are… there are no words. Is “agh” a word?

Women of Integrity and Smarts

March 20, 2014

Hi. Can we talk about that weird ending wherein Theresa, who apparently wore leather pants to work and then left in the middle of the day to go swanning around town (not unlike 99% of the other employees in her workplace, I suppose), demanded that Brady fuck her on his grandfather’s couch in the middle of the day?

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“It would be hot if Henderson walked in on us!” said no one ever.

And I know I call Sami an idiot with pretty great frequency, but it always bears repeating. What in the holy hell was with her declaration to Stefano that she and EJ are finally going to be together and nothing can keep them apart now?

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Woman, you have had approximately 7,000 weddings, and by my conservative estimate, only a single one of them has ever gone off successfully. Maybe hold off on the victorious crowing until you make it down the aisle, say your vows, and the groom doesn’t get shot from the rafters?

What Happened in Salem: Week of March 10th

March 18, 2014

It was a busy week for a baby that might not even exist…

Sami, the mother of four who is also running an alleged corporation and planning two weddings, had nothing better to do with her time than chase Abigail all over town and badger her about her potential pregnancy. In keeping with the spirit of helping this frightened young woman, Sami also blabbed her sensitive personal information to EJ. Panicked that this was about to turn into another two-year escapade of lies and kidnapped babies, EJ made a beeline for Abigail and insisted that he would help “take care” of her situation. Abigail, who has somehow collected all of the brains in Salem, feared that EJ’s doctor would force an abortion on her (the DiMeras are running low on their reserves of fetuses to use in complicated schemes 18 years down the line) and resisted his help. 

Read the rest to catch up on What Happened in Salem last week!