Happy birthday, Paige!
I can’t stop laughing at how completely over-the-top everyone was with this surprise. And the minutes of nonstop clucking after they yelled, “Surprise!” Is this really something no one has experienced before?! Devastating revelations aside, what a shitty party. Just what every college student wants: a daytime get-together full of balloons and your boyfriend’s random nosy relatives, like the great-aunt you once helped with a clothing drive and the Chief of Staff whose rape you were briefly fixated on. How fun! It was very glaring how they never hang out with people their own age, like JJ’s cousins Sonny and Will or even Ben, who’s dating Abigail and knew Paige from before. I’m sure Maggie invited Victor and he was like, “LOL,” and Kayla’s all, “Joey wishes he could be here, but he’s either getting his training wheels off or getting his first pubes, I’m not really sure anymore!”
At least this has been entertaining. I probably should have seen it coming that Paige was in the bedroom listening to JJ and Eve, but it caught me by surprise and at least moved this stuff along. True O’Brien has seemed awake for some of this material; her punching JJ was great, and flinging the cake on the ground was one of my favorite recent hilarious moments.
Paige slapping Eve fell flat, though. It was like Kassie dePaiva leaned away from it, as though she was worried the boring might be contagious. I was a little perplexed when Paige was like, “You haven’t changed my bedroom!” Girl, you moved to the dorms two months ago, and your mother didn’t even bother redecorating when she took that apartment over from your invisible “Cousin Joan.”
I’m also a little baffled by some of the online response blaming Eve for all of this. Yes, she manipulated JJ, but she didn’t force him to have sex with her. He’s 18, not 11, and he did it willingly, over and over, out of some idiotic self-destructive impulse and also because he was horny. If getting someone to have sex with you by convincing them they’re stupid or ugly or worthless is tantamount to rape, then LOCK ME UP (jk… kind of). Eve is the adult, but JJ is also an adult, and if he thinks he’s ready to be in a serious relationship, he should be capable of controlling his impulses. If I’m supposed to have any sort of desire to see him and Paige together after this, then I don’t really know what to think.