Archive for May 2015

What Happened in Salem: Week of May 25th

May 29, 2015

The battle over baby Tate wasn’t the only thing heating up…

Justin was about to head back to Dubai — and Elsa — when Victor stopped him in his tracks by letting him know that he’d had another attorney assigned to those endless negotiations (seriously, what are they working on, a bid for the Olympics?!). Victor wanted Justin to stay in Salem and take on some new, vague, high-level post at Titan, which would make him Kate’s boss. Justin was tempted by the prospect of taking on Lucas in business. Still, Justin and Kate wasted no time clashing about this new arrangement. Lucas and Adrienne, who had just spent the night together, were amused by Victor’s puppeteering.

Read the full recap to see What Happened in Salem this week!


The Room of My Dreams

May 29, 2015

I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see an ugly living room in my life.

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Look! That’s the real Kiriakis living room, not that scaled-down knockoff study version we’ve been getting for the past several months. I don’t know what Kimberly did to warrant Henderson bringing her here instead of to the tiny room, but God bless.

Speaking of Kim:

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I’m delighted by the way they’re playing her history with Victor as part of the baby Tate (ugh, that name) story. The flashback to the 80s was awesome, and I loved Victor explaining it away to Brady as, “It was a different time.” Great stuff. Patsy Pease seems a little more on-the-ball this time around — probably because she’s adjusted to the insane, no-rehearsal-or-retakes-allowed shooting schedule — and it’s all just been wonderful.

Now explain to me how these scenes can exist on the same show, let alone in the same episode, as all this lame Serena/Xander/Nicole crap. I swear, that story is just an endless loop of Nicole wearing various ugly, slutty dresses in her office and talking to herself in-between visits from people who have no reason to visit her. Riveting!

Another Return!

May 28, 2015

Someone else is headed back to Salem for the 50th anniversary…


Like Unnaturally Fast Sands Through the Hourglass…

May 26, 2015

Note: This article first appeared in full on

You guys. I wrote an article on the history of SORASing through the entire 50-year run of Days of Our Lives. And I even made little timeline graphics, like the one below, which is probably the saddest/most embarrassing thing I’ve done in quite some time.


Full article behind the cut.


What Happened in Salem: Week of May 18th

May 23, 2015

While Paige finally learning the truth was the main event, other stuff (sort of) went on this week…

On the plane, Stefano taunted Marlena and continued to blame her for Kristen’s death. He implied that he would have his revenge after all and had his men take her away… to dump her out in the park in Salem — where, let’s face it, she’s likely to be mugged or murdered anyway. Marlena found her way to the Town Square and John. Meanwhile, Stefano prodded Chad about his progress in getting back together with Abigail and hoped he would do so “for the family.” Once along, Stefano mysteriously fondled an envelope labeled ‘Abigail Deveraux.’ Following her argument with Jennifer, Abigail sought solace from Chad. She wondered why she is so judgmental — which, girl, you just admitted that you idolize Jennifer Horton. What’s the mystery here?

Check out the full recap to discover What Happened in Salem!

An Indecent Proposal

May 23, 2015

Will somebody please lock this jackass up?

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This is the fourth time he has proposed to someone since 2010. And that’s not even counting the elopement with Theresa! Is he getting a discount on rings at this point? Dude, you are a recovering addict who just found out he has an infant and has been dating this woman for, like, four months. Cool it.

Given the fact that every single woman he’s proposed but hasn’t actually married is now dead, I would probably react the same way as Melanie.

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She’s just like, “Oh. Well, that’s… a thing that’s happening. I, uh… Oh dear.” Or perhaps this would be more accurate:

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This Summer’s Gonna Hurt Like a Motherf***er

May 21, 2015

Happy birthday, Paige!


I can’t stop laughing at how completely over-the-top everyone was with this surprise. And the minutes of nonstop clucking after they yelled, “Surprise!” Is this really something no one has experienced before?! Devastating revelations aside, what a shitty party. Just what every college student wants: a daytime get-together full of balloons and your boyfriend’s random nosy relatives, like the great-aunt you once helped with a clothing drive and the Chief of Staff whose rape you were briefly fixated on. How fun! It was very glaring how they never hang out with people their own age, like JJ’s cousins Sonny and Will or even Ben, who’s dating Abigail and knew Paige from before. I’m sure Maggie invited Victor and he was like, “LOL,” and Kayla’s all, “Joey wishes he could be here, but he’s either getting his training wheels off or getting his first pubes, I’m not really sure anymore!”

At least this has been entertaining. I probably should have seen it coming that Paige was in the bedroom listening to JJ and Eve, but it caught me by surprise and at least moved this stuff along. True O’Brien has seemed awake for some of this material; her punching JJ was great, and flinging the cake on the ground was one of my favorite recent hilarious moments.


Paige slapping Eve fell flat, though. It was like Kassie dePaiva leaned away from it, as though she was worried the boring might be contagious. I was a little perplexed when Paige was like, “You haven’t changed my bedroom!” Girl, you moved to the dorms two months ago, and your mother didn’t even bother redecorating when she took that apartment over from your invisible “Cousin Joan.”

I’m also a little baffled by some of the online response blaming Eve for all of this. Yes, she manipulated JJ, but she didn’t force him to have sex with her. He’s 18, not 11, and he did it willingly, over and over, out of some idiotic self-destructive impulse and also because he was horny. If getting someone to have sex with you by convincing them they’re stupid or ugly or worthless is tantamount to rape, then LOCK ME UP (jk… kind of). Eve is the adult, but JJ is also an adult, and if he thinks he’s ready to be in a serious relationship, he should be capable of controlling his impulses. If I’m supposed to have any sort of desire to see him and Paige together after this, then I don’t really know what to think.