Archive for May 2014

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

May 31, 2014

This week, the role of Carly Manning from 2010 was played by this baboon.

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Chloe Nicole has something to tell you, Daniel Eric — and I’m not leaving until she does!” [commercial break] “Oh wait, I actually have to go do something. See ya later!”

(I have a rule about not making fun of the actors’ actual appearances, just styling, and maybe this is getting close to the line, but I can justify it by take a damn shower and cut your hair!)



What Happened in Salem: Week of May 19th

May 26, 2014

While Hope’s investigation zeroed in on Lucas…

Arianna Grace celebrated her first birthday, surrounded by family and friends who were busy discussing the latest murder in their social circle. Given the amount of homicides and cover-ups in which her family has participated in the last year, is anyone really going to be surprised when this child’s first word is “bodybag”? On the plus side, Gabi, Will, and Sonny decided upon a fair custody agreement, ensuring that they will all have equal opportunity to traumatize this child and use her as a pawn for years to come.

Read the rest to catch up on What Happened in Salem last week!

Let’s Play a Game

May 23, 2014

Thank goodness someone killed Nick — not because I hated him, but because it’s finally lighting a fire under this show’s ass. It seems like we’ve been stuck in a morass of B- and C-level stories and characters for months now. At least this feels like some A-level business. But with some serious departures in progress, it’s starting to seem like the show needs another 2009-style shake-up. And as we know, Ken Corday loves a Plan to Save Days, as he tends to trumpet every two years or so.


So let’s play a game called Fantasy Days, or Things Sad People Do When They Run Out of Wine. I’ll put the rest of this behind a cut so I don’t accidentally spoil anyone…


Just a Slob Like One of Us, Indeed

May 23, 2014

I am dead with glee from Nicole’s latest maneuver!

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“We have to elope ASAP, because Daniel’s in love with me!”

I can’t wait to see how she spins this and how Eric buys it. This is some Kristen DiMera-level shit. I’m even going to give the Mary Lou Retton hair a pass (for the time being).

What was all that foolishness about Daniel being the only and bestest friend Nicole has ever had, though? Anyone remember Chloe? That whole thing with Nicole and Eric squabbling over who gets to have Daniel as his/her best man was like a damn SNL skit. Yes, yes, you’ll both have to have him, because as we know, there is only one Best Man in Salem. When Joan Osbourne sang, “If God had a name, what would it be?” — now we know the answer: DANIEL JONAS. We get it! Stop! Jesus Christ (literally).

Ben There, Done That

May 23, 2014

In addition to getting questioned by the police about Nick’s murder, Ben also got a new face yesterday.

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He also now appears to have the ability to breathe and walk at the same time, which is a step up. I actually believe that this person could be employed making cocktails and “fro-yo sundaes” (possibly because the actor looks like he might moonlight at a gay bar in West Hollywood, but that’s neither here nor there). I saw enough of the short-lived online reboot of All My Children to get a handle on Robert Scott Wilson’s acting, and he struck me as green but full of charisma, so I’ll give him a shot. Certainly a step up from Justin Gaston, who seemed NOT OF THIS EARTH. (Seriously, watching him made me wonder if we were about to get a cyborg story in Salem…)


Hair-owing Times

May 21, 2014

How fortunate that Jennifer was able to take time out of mourning her murdered cousin to get a(n admittedly flattering) new hairstyle!

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It was cracking me up how every single time Daniel ran into a new person in the episode, s/he had to comment on his split lip (presuming Shawn Christian got injured in real life and they felt they had to mention it onscreen), but no one so much as remarked upon Jennifer’s random new hair. Also, this evokes memories of the time John Aniston had his arm in a cast, and he explained to someone that he had an accident while ice skating with Ciara. Who let this 80-year-old man who has difficulty walking go on the ice with that little hellion?!

What Happened in Salem: Week of May 12th

May 20, 2014

A murder shook up Salem last week…

After being shot, Nick staggered to the Town Square, where he tried to point out his shooter but passed out due to Julie’s over-the-top caterwauling. Nick was rushed to the hospital, where he was switched with a doppelgänger whom the DiMeras had sitting around. The doppelgänger died, and the DiMeras whisked the real Nick off to a remote compound for all manner of recuperation and brainwashing. Okay, that part didn’t happen; I’m just trying to get a jump on the inevitable story that will play out when Nick turns up alive in 5-10 years. News of Nick’s death sent both shock and relief through Salem.

Read the full recap to find out What Happened in Salem!