This one hurts.
Discussion behind the cut, yada yada.
How did I just figure out that the actor who played Bernardi, Anthony Tyler Quinn, was also Mr. Turner, the teacher on Boy Meets World?!
My mind. It is blown.
Isn’t that mullet motive enough for Sami to have shot him, though? I mean, if she had shot Mr. Feeny, I’d be marching around the Town Square demanding she get the death penalty (again), but Mr. Turner? Enh. Though I guess it’s kind of insensitive, considering he got into that motorcycle crash and was apparently in a coma for years on end already…
Sami’s trigger finger and Kristen’s penchant for convoluted schemes continued to propel the story last week:
Rafe, who we were told has come out of his coma (no matter what his acting might suggest to the contrary), finally met baby Arianna. A staffer left him a newspaper bearing word of Sami’s arrest, and Rafe forced Kate to tell him why Sami claims she shot Bernardi: to save Rafe’s life… Eric and Nicole found themselves at odds after Sami’s arrest… Kristen and Brady decided to take things slowly, which will mean getting married after six months instead of four.
Catch up on What Happened in Salem with the rest of last week’s recap!
I should have seen this coming. I’ve been gloating about how flawless this show has been in terms of interesting, unexpected character interactions. Just like Sami crowing victoriously about all her troubles being behind her right before she got arrested again, I totally had it coming.
Jennifer and Nicole are in the same book club?! What kind of hot fuckery is this? I know that Nicole has done a lot to redeem herself for what happened last fall, and I don’t mind them being on civil terms or able to trade a quip every now and again, but this might be the stretchiest stretch that ever stretched.
Did she take Billie’s place? What, is it written in the Saylum Wimminz Buk Klub charter that, “at any time, no fewer than two (2) members must have been forced into drugs, pornography, and/or prostitution by their fathers”? (Adrienne’s got the first spot on lock, naturally.) Who the hell invited Nicole? Jennifer is the one she knows best of those women. I’m trying to imagine that conversation: “We get together and discuss books — not unlike the book you tried to have thrown at me when you lost your child!”
Are we going to find out that Kristen and Marlena have been gabbing about Anna Karenina offscreen?
Speaking of Kristen.. I couldn’t stay mad about the book club nonsense for long, not with that ending we got on Friday.
Kristen’s gonna pretend to be Susan! Call the coroner, because I am dead.
Though I’m starting to think the DiMeras’ problem isn’t so much being evil as it is being insane packrats. Has Kristen kept every random piece of old shit from every past scheme she’s ever pulled? Stefano just left boxes of her crap down there this whole time? (Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, considering this is a man who once maintained a townhouse filled with mementos from his forays into art theft and brainwashing, but still.) Also — if Susan and Kristen impersonated one another around the time EJ was a baby, that means those teeth are roughly three decades old. At least rinse them off before you stick them in your mouth, woman! I know Stefano’s managed to revive a lot of dead people, but I’m not sure he can undo toxic mold poisoning.
I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about how unexpectedly kick-ass the opening of St. Luke’s Academy was.
First of all, look at how many characters they got there. More people attended this thing than any (non-Gabi/Nick) wedding in the past five years. Who knew? At this rate, the next Big Gay Beer Pong Tournament will have to be held in that school. They already have the rainbow decor in place!
Last Friday’s episode was basically just a bunch of characters slapped into a single setting, left to do their own thing. And it was terrific. The canvas is so rich right now, and this was such a showcase of that. Stick two characters in a frame together, and there’s a strong chance some interesting interaction will emerge.
And then you had Sami, doing her usual Sami thing by crowing victoriously about how the bad times are behind her and EJ and everything has worked out and HAVE YOU EVER MET ANYONE IN THIS TOWN EVER?
You never, ever, ever gloat about how well things have worked out. That is basically like inviting Stefano into your armoire. It’s not going to end well. At the same time, we had Adrienne wrestling with herself and finally deciding that the only thing she could do was turn over the video to the D.A. — but not before guaranteeing immunity for Sonny.
I just can’t say enough good things about how deliciously intertwined this all is, or how they pulled a fakeout by setting up the Kristen/Eric video to come out at the school opening and then having Sami get arrested instead.
Of course, Sami couldn’t just be cuffed and led off. Oh no.
She had to step into the middle of the circle of spectators and deliver some ridiculous Evita-esque address about how this shouldn’t reflect on Eric and blah blah. (Kudos to Nicole for the “Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina” joke, by the way. I knew I liked you for a reason.) Woman, you just got arrested for murder for the second time in like two weeks. Just bow your head and go into hiding, okay?
I love how Brady’s standing behind her in that screenshot like, “Is she kidding with this?” No, Brady. She’s never kidding.
But seriously. Such a strong event, and such a testament to how solid the show is right now. There was the drama with Kristen changing her mind about the video, there was Sami’s arrest, there was the hilarity of Ciara asking her mother, “When I grow up, can I get married as many times as Sami?” I’m worried that, if this keeps up, I’m going to run out of things to make fun of!
So, the mysteriously vanishing John Black popped up for two episodes last week to have scenes with Brady and Kristen.
Adrienne finally noticed the damn video. Meanwhile…
John briefly escaped from whatever Cave of Marlena’s Lost Men he has been hanging out in with Roman and Don Craig. He went to see Brady and told him that Kristen was the one who hit the brakes on their hook-up. Brady, who continues to do more waffling than the breakfast buffet at the Salem Inn, tried to talk to Kristen about it, but she was too busy with her plan for revenge to let him get a word in edgewise. The opening of St. Luke’s Academy arrived, and more people converged on the new school than have attended any Salem wedding in the last five years. Kristen informed the bishop that there is something she has to show him.
Read the rest to catch up on What Happened in Salem last week!