Archive for August 2012

Keep This Up and I’ll Have Nothing to Bitch About

August 31, 2012

I might have a brain tumor from the toxic gas in the tunnels beneath my house (I was trapped down there for six months — but don’t worry, I was immediately allowed to return to my job as a doctor!), because I continue to find this show utterly delightful since the writer switch.

How sweet were those scenes between Will and Abigail?

I will never understand why the previous writers’ reboot required Abigail to have no interaction with the two cousins who are her age and heavily involved in story together, but Kate Mansi and Chandler Massey work very well together, and that was such a normal, enjoyable conversation between two college-aged cousins. Also, I like to imagine that what they were saying during the breaks was stuff like, “Hey Will, remember that time you were older than me and pushed me off the swing like a demon child?” and “Hey Abby, remember when you were in college and I was still a 13-year-old scarecrow-looking kid?”

But seriously, with these two and the recently returned Nick, there’s a great next generation of Hortons set up, if they choose to put in the effort to write for them.

I’m also enjoying just about everything with Sonny — his confrontations with T, his interactions with his parents and Victor, and Brian’s continued pursuit of him.


I was going to complain that it was awfully rude of Brian to go up to Sonny and do the old tap-on-the-shoulder fakeout thing while he was clearly talking to Adrienne, but then I thought Brian was actually trying to finagle an introduction, so nevermind. Maybe. Also, that conversation between Sonny and Brian was possibly the most normal “getting to know you” talk ever on this show. “Do you have a dog?” No one in Salem asks stuff like that! It’s usually, “What has Stefano done to you?” and “Why was your last prison stint not really your fault?”

She Was Flatlining Like She Wanted It!

August 28, 2012

I’m pretty thrilled with the show as a whole all of a sudden — the pacing is good, everything has momentum, people are having logical, surprising, and varied interactions — but I almost dropped dead in the middle of today’s episode.

What was that nonsense Daniel was spouting to Nicole about how his patients become attached to him and see him as some kind of hero? What, and then he has to sleep with them for their well being?

Facepalm indeed, Dr. Jonas. “The way she was wearing that hospital gown, she was just ASKING for it…”

Let Me Deliver This News as Dramatically as Possible

August 27, 2012

Can we take a moment to acknowledge the awesomeness of that moment when Kate said to Chad, “The Phoenix has risen again”?

Because that is so soapy and no human being would ever say that and it’s exactly why I watch this show.

What Happened in Salem: Week of August 20th

August 27, 2012

The new writers got to work replacing the old writers’ crappy stories with crappy stories of their own…

EJ was abducted by Ian, who revealed that he killed Stefano, and by “killed,” he meant that he replaced him with a double, killed that person, and locked Stefano in a basement wearing a Hannibal Lecter mask, since everyone knows that the biggest problem with Stefano DiMera has traditionally been his cannibalism. Ian went on to explain that his mother was Yvette — the woman whose name Santo DiMera had printed on that coin that everyone forgot about months ago — and thus, Ian believed himself to be a DiMera and oh, by the way, he faked that blood test and EJ is really Stefano’s son. I have never been more grateful to Ian than I was for his efficiency in explaining all this, and I have never been more grateful to the writers than I was for sparing us the flashbacks of James Scott as Santo and Ian Buchanan in a red wig as Yvette, playing out another “great” love story from the past.

Read the rest to find out What Happened in Salem last week!

Just Be Glad She’s Not Singing

August 26, 2012

So Julie sits Lucas down and tells him that Nick Fallon — the charming nerdy Horton cousin who officially won our hearts when he killed Willow Stark but then took some of Hope’s pills, went nuts, and abducted Melanie after murdering her father — is up for parole. And Lucas is like, “That’s good for Nick, but I’m not sure Melanie will be so happy about it.” And Julie’s all, “The Hortons need this! And fuck Melanie! We OWN THE TOWN SQUARE!”

Then she tracks Melanie down and does this whole “I know you care deeply about Abigail, and she just lost her father and really needs her family around her, so if you wouldn’t mind, could you please help expedite the release of a man who almost raped and/or killed you?”

And it was great! It felt like vintage Julie — manipulating for a purpose that she sees as totally justified. I could see Sami pulling the same stunt in 20 or 30 years. As you can see in the above photo, Melanie was not as pleased… to which I say, it was still more tactful than the time Julie barged into Roman’s (I think) funeral and screamed, “I HOPE WE’RE NOT TOO LATE!!!”

Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma’ams

August 23, 2012

One punch? That’s all it took to knock Sonny out?

Not to perpetuate stereotypes, but come on… what a sissy!

And while we’re on the subject of quick shots — was Will bolting out of that room after he boned Gabi not the most accurate representation of a college-aged male ever on this show? He didn’t even refer to it as “making love”!

Please note that this is not the most flattering screenshot, but he was in a rush to get his big, baggy boxer shorts on over the other underwear he was clearly wearing and get out the damn door. Meanwhile, Gabi sat there cradling a picture of her and Chad and willing her ovaries to kick into overdrive. (Someone please appreciate how many times I rewrote that line to make it less graphic/disgusting.)

And perhaps the most shocking quick flash of the day:

BILLIE LIVES! Lisa Rinna is leaving the show, which comes as a surprise to absolutely no one since it’s abundantly clear the writers never had any idea besides “Billie returns with the face of someone who can get us publicity!” I’m a little disappointed because there was tons of potential (like pairing her with Jack, playing her as part of the ISA, having her and Kate actually team up for something, finally giving Daniel that hat trick I’m obsessed with) and also because they never even let Rinna incorporate some Depends product placement into the show. Can you imagine? “Mom, I know you’re getting up there in years, but I got this great tip from Alice Horton in a letter she wrote on her deathbed… You can run around poisoning all sorts of people and never have to stop for a potty break!”

Gays Gone Wild

August 22, 2012

So… this happened today:

I didn’t hate this nearly as much as I thought I would. I actually didn’t hate it at all. I was worried this would vindicate all the people crowing about how they’re obviously going to make Will straight now and there’s no future for The Gay Story and blah blah. But it totally didn’t play that way. Will had a terrible confrontation with T, he freaked out after Sonny kissed him, he got chewed out by his dad for something unrelated (and he kept trying to make it about his sexuality when Lucas insisted it had nothing to do with that), and then when he and Gabi were caught in a vulnerable moment together, he went for it. Chandler Massey kept the smirk at bay and gave a nice little “I guess I’m gonna do this now…” hesitant look. He didn’t look disgusted, just like it was something that he felt he had to make himself do. I bought it.

But let’s not give short shrift to his argument with Lucas.

Lucas said a lot of things that he has needed to say for a long time. It was ridiculous of Will to aid and abet a fugitive — and the fact that his mother thought it was a good idea doesn’t justify it. Will weaseled his way out of going to mourn with Jennifer and Abigail (his family) because he’s so wrapped up in his own crap.

The other side of this that worked well was the confrontation between Sonny and T. In his usual, “I have nothing better to do” fashion, T was glowering while he watched Sonny and Brian together. When T got in Sonny’s face about it, Sonny stepped right up and ordered him out of the coffeehouse. And then Sonny questioned why this “gay thing” is so damn upsetting to T.

Both actors, as well as the directing, were great. T is such a nasty little shit, but he was also on Sonny like… well, like Kayla on a newly widowed Carver. I honestly thought they might kiss for a second there. Then Sonny insinuated that there might be more to T’s homophobia than he’s admitting — he never had to state it outright, just imply it — and Freddie Smith let this little smirk cross his face. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to show that he was getting some satisfaction out of the accusation, and I bought it as enough to push T over the edge and have him deck Sonny.

I’m going to remain optimistic that this is all going to add up to something — like, you know, an actual story. From where I stand, there’s nothing about this that says the show is backing off the gay storyline, and if my suspicions are correct (and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what they are), this Gabi angle is a means of prolonging the long-term Will/Sonny storyline.