Archive for July 2011

What Happened in Salem: Week of July 25th

July 29, 2011

This week’s What Happened in Salem recap is now up at MyHourglass! A preview:

EJ collapsed from head pain. He was probably thinking about Taylor. Oh wait, it’s from his beating that everyone forgot about for several weeks. It was nice of his complications to wait until the FakeRafe reveal was over before surfacing again!

Head over there and give it a look!

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Entertaining — and Mostly in the Intentional Way!

July 28, 2011

This week’s happenings in the “Carly Turns to Pills!!!” story have been pretty stellar, no joke. These were clearly the scenes that the writing staff envisioned when they set this story in motion. It’s unfortunate that they forgot to write any kind of middle whatsoever, so that instead of this being the culmination of Carly ruining her life by screwing up at work and attempting to cover it up, all the while endangering her relationships, it’s instead the culmination of a woman walking around sweating and talking to herself for three months. That said, at least we got some great performances and surprisingly strong writing out of the climax.

Jennifer found Carly passed out in her hotel room and hauled her into the shower, even cramming soap into her mouth to induce vomiting. Afterward, she blasted Carly for being a drug addict. Both Crystal Chappell and Melissa Reeves tore into these scenes, and I was surprised at how ugly and harsh the show let both of them be. Really great stuff, made all the better because I totally did not expect anything in this story to do anything but make me snicker. This actually resembled what might happen if you found out a close friend was a drug addict who’d been lying to you for weeks.

Of course, Vivian had previously snuck into Carly’s room in a “clever” maid’s outfit — I’m not sure how she found time to put it together, what with her busy schedule of skulking around town and using her supersonic hearing to eavesdrop on people across crowded restaurants — and took a photo of her passed out. She then put the photo online for everyone to see.

This is where things start to come apart a bit. First of all, no one had the thought of, “Hmm, who hates Carly with every fiber of her being and might have set this up?” I mean, sure, it looks incriminating, but it doesn’t actually show anything other than a woman passed out and some pills scattered around her. No one even considered the fact that Vivian Alamain might’ve set this up or Photoshopped it?

Meanwhile, Daniel and Melanie raced to Carly’s room, where she came clean about her addiction. I particularly enjoyed when you could see Jennifer being all, “Wait, this is Days of Our Lives. Shouldn’t we be talking about a love triangle?!” Thus, she derailed everything to get Carly to admit to having feelings for Daniel, and when Carly went into the bathroom to clean herself up, she put on her dress and escaped through the window.

And then Daniel, Jennifer, and Melanie ran all over town trying to find her… unsuccessfully. You guys, there are only like six places she could have gone, and the pier is two of them! Where did they look for her, Victor’s foyer?! Sure enough, she was at the pier, and Vivian was smart enough to track her down and twist the knife some more. Hence, she went scrambling to find some beer in a dumpster and chugged the hell out of it. If T needs a new bro to play beer pong at Salem U this year, now that he and Will are on the outs, he might want to look up Carly Manning, because this woman can throw ’em back!

Of course, as soon as she slammed the beers down, Carly passed out again. I think Dena Higley is trying to set a world record for Most Consecutive Episodes Ending With Carly on the Floor…

More, Please

July 26, 2011

Stefano DiMera — despite a staggering inability to come up with an evil plot that isn’t so convoluted that it ceases to make any sense whatsoever — has once again made his case for being the Smartest Person in Salem. (Not that the competition is very stiff, but still.)

“Go easy, my dear. All right? That’s a little petty. You don’t want to lose your standing as the most morally superior person in the world, do you?”

I could watch people call Taylor out all day long. Maybe they should just replace the entire Carly/Daniel/Jen storyline with random scenes of everyone in Salem doing that.

How Much Stupider Can This Get? Wait, Don’t Answer

July 26, 2011

There were so many things wrong with Monday’s show.

For example: how Abigail’s date with her boyfriend involved dragging him to a romantic comedy and then to hang out with her mother.

Nevermind that her mother has visited this bar at least twelve separate times today. Who does she think she is, Chloe?

For example: Vivian recapping her entire stupid plan to Gus for the benefit of… who, exactly? I sat through it once, and it was both nonsensical and horribly boring. Being forced to relive it is not going to help matters.

Seriously, this is a verbatim quote: “Oh, Gus. Gus, Gus, Gus. This has been the most wonderful, beautiful evening… and the way I orchestrated Carly’s life… I managed with one subtle, yet one-two punch, to get her to walk in on that boring Jennifer Horton in a carnal embrace with that surfer dude Jonas that Carly’s lusting after. And then she went reeling off to the pier, where I just happened to have planted my son’s number one drug dealer.” REALLY? Someone was paid to write that? Someone wasn’t fired for writing that?!

For example: Carly freaking out over absolutely nothing and racing back to her hotel room to wolf down an entire baggie of Generic Pills.

Does she even know what kind of pills she’s shoveling down her gullet? I presumed these writers knew lots and lots about drugs, based on the overwhelming volume of logic-defying crap they churn out, but maybe I was wrong. Or the writing staff is made up of second graders.

At least this was funny:

This is Truly Compelling Television

July 25, 2011

I just went to set my DVR for today’s episode, and no joke, part of the summary on my cable guide says:

Abigail and Chad return from a movie date.

Wow! That sure sounds like can’t-miss viewing. This might be worse than the time it said, “Rafe staggers around the woods.” At least that implied that he might be trying to reach a destination, however boringly so. I can’t wait for sweeps, when we get to see stories like “Jennifer parks the car in the garage” and “Dario eats some chili.” (Who am I kidding? I would love that last one. I’m a sucker for anything that could involve two people randomly sitting on the bench at the pier, extolling the virtues of Hormel in a completely non-organic and ham-handed manner.)

What Happened in Salem: Week of July 18th

July 21, 2011

This week’s What Happened in Salem recap is now up at MyHourglass! A little taste:

Chloe found an apartment but needed money for the security deposit. She asked Quinn for an advance. He pointed out that Social Services might want to know where a singing teacher suddenly got that much cash. Chloe was like, “Oh.” I think if she just told them she cut her bronzer budget by 50%, they’d believe she was able to scrape together enough money.

Head over and give it a look, if you’re masochistic enough to want to relive this crap.

Back to Stupid

July 21, 2011

Vivian lured Jennifer to the Sapphire Club on Wednesday by setting up a meeting for her and a potential hospital donor in a “private room.”

Then, of course, Daniel showed up for dinner with Carly, and Carly saw them kissing, and you know where that leads: PILLS. And since that’s not interesting at all, since it’s basically the same thing that’s been happening for four months, let’s focus on the fact that this “private room” appears to be the exact same room that everyone and their mother — literally — have been traipsing in and out of for months. Is that why there are no waiters or place settings or anything? Because everyone keeps ducking into the “private room” (which has several small tables) to chatter about their diabolical plots? Why were Carly and Daniel going into a private room to have a friendly dinner?

What the hell is the Sapphire Club, anyway? Is it a restaurant with a hotel? I kind of thought it was a gentlemen’s club, which is why I’ve been so alarmed by everyone casually meeting there for drinks and food and chit-chat. Who the hell wants to eat in a bordello? Everything must smell like fish. (Too far?) Are Brady and Taylor going to be doing Titan work there soon?

I think it’s a new low when the writers don’t even know what the cheap sets they’re using to play out their illogical, contrived plots are supposed to be.