Posted tagged ‘Salem Style’

Yule Never Believe It

December 25, 2016

To the surprise of no one ever, I started sobbing the second these came onscreen:


Every. Damn. Year.

I never tire of this tradition. Even in the worst of Days years, they tend to pull out some heart and soul for the Horton ornament hanging. This year’s, I thought, was pretty good — it’s so nice to see that living room full of people, and they’ve officially embraced Doug and Julie as the patriarch and matriarch of that family, which feels so right. They even showed a pretty wide swath of the ornaments this year. I thought it was bizarre that Lucas wasn’t there, especially since he couldn’t celebrate Thanksgiving with his family due to being passed out in a hotel room waiting for his runaway bride to wake up.

I’m surprised, however, that Julie didn’t have some shady comment about how Valerie brought her own Christmas globes to the party.


A cleavage window wouldn’t have been my first choice for Christmas at the home of people I hadn’t seen for 30 years, but hey, you do you, girl. On the plus side, Salemites have a long tradition of dressing like high-class hookers for formal events, so she’ll fit right in if/when she decides to stick around!

Meanwhile, Maggie decided to honor a departed loved one with her Christmas outfit this year.


I never knew she was such a huge fan of Prince, but his death clearly hit her hard.


Look at those sleeves! (I’m also 99% sure this is not the first time I’ve covered a female Salemite dressing just like Prince.) And sorry for that traumatizing screenshot of Daniel’s ornament, but it was the best view I could get of Maggie’s sleeves. I will say, though, that as much of a blight as Daniel was on the viewers, this is the first Christmas since his passing, so it felt appropriate for Maggie, Jennifer, and JJ to have that little moment of remembrance for him. They all loved him, for whatever insane reason, so it was the right thing to do. Kind of like making yourself throw up when you’re really hungover.


I continue to be incredibly distracted by that couch. It’s not even a year since Ciara was raped on that very couch, and she’s sitting on it like it’s no big deal. So gross. I thought they might actually address Chase’s ornament — like having it break, or someone choosing to throw it away — but I suspect this writing regime is trying to minimize that entire “storyline.” Anyway, replace the damn couch, please.

I was also (surprisingly?) moved by the sight of Nicole holding a child that is, finally, biologically hers.


The logistics of the birth were completely ridiculous: why was that motel abandoned? How was Chicago buried under snow but Salem, which is within easy driving distance, was totally fine? This whole story feels rhythmically off — maybe because they’re writing around Nadia Bjorlin’s maternity leave, or because Deimos is being written as the hero — but the core of it works, and I love that Brady is involved. And having Nicole be the one to name the baby is both touching and means they won’t have to do some awkward renaming once the truth comes out. Color me stunned that no one even suggested Danielle as a name, but hey, Christmas miracles do happen.

Women on the Verge

December 8, 2016

Oh, Nicole. I know the feeling.


always wake up in tears of horror after Daniel appears in my dreams!

In other news, you know what sounds like one of the few upsides of deciding to spend the rest of your life hiding from the world in your mother’s attic?


Not having to curl your hair and put on makeup and get dressed in cute clothes every day! What is wrong with these people?!

At least neither of these ladies is as twisted as Gabi, who despite having allegedly been a model in the fashion industry thinks this is “the season’s hottest purse” and has been saving up for it.


Someone get this girl a Marshall’s gift card, stat!

Shout Out to My Ex

November 23, 2016

Short week, but I still have plenty of thoughts.

For starters, I wonder how Kate feels about having a roommate who’s just as… jaunty a dresser as she is.


I feel like this is Thaoo Penghlis’s outfit more than it’s Andre’s. Also, can they no longer afford to pay the heating bill inside the DiMera mansion? Take off your damn jacket and scarf when you’re inside!

Meanwhile, the wedding drama has been… interesting.


Justin came off like a real asshole barging in and putting Adrienne on the spot like that, especially since they’re broken up because he cheated on her. Adrienne ended their marriage because he was unfaithful. He doesn’t just get to go, “Hey, I’m ready for you to take me back now.” But the emotional dilemma Adrienne’s now in is pretty compelling. Can you really move on from your great love, especially if that person is still alive? (The entire history of Salem would suggest not, except for Marlena’s stone-cold ass. Though she only did that because her new Great Love was presumed to be her old Great Love for years.) I loved how Lucas compared his relationship with Sami — and Adrienne’s relationship with Justin — to addiction. I don’t know that I totally buy that that’s what those dynamics are, but I buy that’s how Lucas sees them.

Really bizarre that Wednesday’s episode featured Sonny and Paul outside the hotel room where the debate was taking place without actually featuring the way more dramatic storyline taking place inside said hotel room, though.

While we’re on the subject of that wedding, this cracked me up:


I imagine this is exactly how Sami would react to the news. “Someone is focused on something other than meeeeeee?!”

In conclusion, Valerie told Abe that she loves pugs, which is the most randomly specific thing on this show in forever, and since I have a pug and am obsessed with them, I’m taking it as a personal shoutout. Also, she mentioned having a son and that the father hasn’t been around in a long time, so I’ll eat Abigail’s giant witch hat if that kid doesn’t turn out to be David Banning’s.

Jeannie in a Bottle

November 5, 2016

Well, Kim is back, and they seem to be presenting her in-character — that is, with terrible, perplexing hair choices. This time, she’s veering into Barbara Mandrell territory.


Is that a wig? If so, can I rip it off her head and toss it out the window like Elaine did with George’s toupee on Seinfeld?

I’m still totally confused about why Kim and Shane have to have these covert meetings with Theresa. Yeah, “Mateo’s having her watched,” but what’s so weird about meeting with her parents? And since it’s impossible to discuss this whole thing without getting into spoilers, I’ll air the rest of my grievances behind a cut.


It Was a Perfect Illusion

October 29, 2016

“For my next trick, I will prove what imbeciles my enemies are by standing ten feet in front of them and conducting a magic show with half my face showing and my voice the same as normal, and they won’t notice a thing!”


Aside from the fact that it required our “heroes” to be even bigger idiots than usual — which is no small feat, especially for Marlena and John — I dug this whole thing. I don’t even know what kind of cockamamie explanation they’re giving for how in the hell Orpheus was presumed dead but was actually alive, or how he got out of the morgue, but the whole magic show bit feels old-school in a fun way. I assume this is the final climax of this whole escaped convicts storyline, because these guys hit Wile E. Coyote status weeks ago, but it’s nevertheless entertaining.

In general, I just like that they bothered with Halloween this year.


It’s always a treat to see the characters/actors dressed up in costume, although no one was living his fullest life more than that dude in the sunflower outfit, who was literally in the background of every single shot that took place in the Square during Friday’s episode. Hope and Julie actually mentioning David Banning was great. Roman teasing Rafe about the gladiator costume was cute. Ciara dressed up as a cop pointing a (fake) gun at an autistic black man was… wait… not a good thing at all. (Seriously, no one thought better of that?) And the ending with Andre playing Hope’s confession was pretty damn classic. I’m kind of excited for Monday’s episode, and that isn’t something that happens too often these Days.

Use Your Head

October 14, 2016

Kayla, you had brain surgery mere days ago. You’ve already performed surgery on someone else, been held at gunpoint, fretted over your kidnapped son, and helped enact a plan to save the city from a trio of criminals. So I’m not surprised that you’re exhausted and that your judgment is impaired.


But that’s still no excuse to be borrowing Sami’s old clothes! In what universe is this a good decision?! I actually think Sami might have worn this very dress during her Everything is Better With Leather phase, but I don’t have the mental fortitude to venture down that particularly wretched sartorial memory lane.

This whole town-wide plan to smoke out the three villains has more holes than something Nicole would’ve worn in 2014, but it’s kind of fun seeing all the Salemites team up to turn the tables on them. Lucky for them Clyde didn’t just pump an extra bullet into Chad for fun, huh?


But I guess the shooting was worth it for that. (Why is he so cute?)



I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I also kinda like this latest chapter in the Hope/Aiden saga. Aiden is crazy as shit, but I like that I can completely understand his reasoning: he doesn’t see himself as a bad guy, and in his mind, if he can wind up with Hope, then everything he did was justifiable and all right. And his plan feels very classic Days. I even expected to be more annoyed by Rafe, but since he knows what’s going on (even though Hope won’t admit it), he’s taking a stand instead of just mooning around. And Hope is finally acting like, “Oh, fuck, I killed an unarmed man and could have completely ruined my life and that was a terrible thing to do”… even if it’s ten months too late.

Get These People Some Help

October 11, 2016

Poor Arianne Zucker has really been through enough lately… but on the plus side, at least she no longer has to be known as the Salemite with the worst hair!


They should’ve offered to throw in an extra $5 million if Clyde took him to a Supercuts before returning him.

Speaking of crazy people with insane hair…


As much as I loved Lucas’s comment that Andre is exactly Kate’s type — “a homicidal maniac” — it’s also sad because it’s true. And then she had to go on and try to explain that Andre (a known serial killer and all-around loon) isn’t as bad as Clyde. WTF?! “He reminds me of my old friend Tony!” First of all, you knew Tony for like two years, and secondly, of course he reminds you of Tony, because he had plastic surgery to copy his face so he could take over his life! Someone get this woman a prison pen pal or two. It’d be much safer for all of us.