Do Not Pass Go
You know what would definitely make me go on the run? If you’re thinking “kidnapping your biological child from her crazed but oddly justified surrogate mother,” you’re wrong! Because it’s this:
This woman is the worst! Truly a walking nightmare. Here’s some advice, Hillary: if you’ve already barged into virtual strangers’ new home, invited yourself to stay for drinks, confided in the female partner that your husband is a real porn connoisseur, and then suggested having them over for dinner — and their reaction is to cringe visibly and make an excuse about their children — the proper response is not “We’ll bring dinner here, then!” Let it go. Leave these poor people alone!
It’s pretty clear that her porn-hog husband recognizes Nicole from her past in the adult entertainment industry and this will all blow up in everyone’s faces. What I don’t get is this: Nicole was said back in the day, I’m almost positive, to have only made one porn movie. Was Locker Room Lolita actually the Debbie Does Dallas of this strange universe in which Salem exists? Was it the Titanic of porn? And if this guy watches so much damn porn, how realistic is it that he’s going to recognize an actress who appeared in one movie way back in like 1997?
I know that backstory often morphs over time on a show like this, but basically every writer since 2003 has seemingly possessed a fundamental misunderstanding of Nicole’s porn experience. She, while underage, was drugged by her own father and forced to act in the film. She wasn’t a “porn star.” It’s bizarre that not only is this thrown in her face as some reprehensible act — when a) participating in consensual sex work doesn’t automatically make someone an immoral garbage person, and b) it wasn’t consensual sex work, on account of the drugging and her not being legally fit to consent. It seems like what they all wish had been written back in the day was that Nicole, with her troubled background, did porn for the money without regard for how it would affect her later on. But they’ve never actually retconned the circumstances of it, and they occasionally make reference to her father’s long history of abuse, so it’s completely unclear what we’re supposed to think. I’ll admit to being a little guilty of going along with the easy jokes sometimes, mostly on account of finding the name “Misty Circle” absolutely hilarious almost two decades later, but there’s a serious disconnect between the way her history is treated onscreen and what we actually saw.
Anyway. Hillary sucks, Scooter is a creep, and this insta-love between Brady and Nicole is ridiculous. At least there’s one thing on this show that I’m genuinely enjoying right now…
This is going to sound weird, but I loved how they had Eric and Jennifer’s plans for a date go straight to hell. I was thrilled when he seemed to be opening up and asked her to lunch, and it was devastating when he had that run-in with Victor, who basically cut him off at the knees and caused him to stand up Jen. This is, like, real, classic soap angst. I’ve been worried that this story would get very one-note really fast, and they’d just pair them up and slap them on the backburner, so this was a smart beat to play. Yeah, I love Eric and felt bad that Victor made him feel that way, but this was a great use of Victor’s black-and-white worldview. As much as we all loathe the mere mention of Daniel, the man was his beloved godson and then stepson. Eric got drunk, drove a car, and killed Daniel. I buy that Maggie, who is kinder and has internalized the lessons of AA, would work to forgive Eric, whereas Victor wouldn’t. I might not have liked what he said to Eric, but I understand his POV and find it legitimate. And this creates a whole new set of messes for Eric and Jennifer. I’d like to see her back off and him have to be active and pursue her now.
Can whoever’s plotting out their story take over the other ones, too? Please?
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