Hair-Brained Schemes

If you needed any further evidence that the one-two punch of Daniel and Deimos managed to strip Nicole of her intelligence, I give you Exhibit Z.

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Great idea: when you go on the run with a kidnapped baby, “disguise” yourself as… the way you looked the last time you kidnapped an infant. This couldn’t possibly go wrong! She must’ve been banking on the description Chloe gave the police being nothing more than “short, terrible hair.” Actually, come to think of it, they’ve never explicitly stated that this is a wig… Normally I’d expect a wig-related disguise on this show to be, like, a very conspicuous black bob. So maybe it’s just supposed to be another awful iteration of that mess Nicole calls hair.

All that aside, is her brain leaking out of her ears, or what? She should be embarrassed at herself for falling for that grifter’s hideously un-subtle manipulations. That was like the worst possible version of a sequence from Gone Girl that actually worked very effectively. And who in the hell decides to relax by taking a bubble bath… by leaving a sleeping baby in a carseat on the bed… and closing the bathroom door? I have a dog, and I leave the bathroom door open when I shower just because. And I don’t even know what to do with the fact that in the time it took Nicole to take a bath, dry off, and get dressed, those criminals only made it as far as The Alley. Were they just moving super-slowly for fun?

And please don’t get me started on the absolute idiocy of Nicole sobbing to herself that Chloe wouldn’t let such a thing happen to poor Holly. Chloe, who approximately 12 hours ago left her hotel room door ajar before phoning room service so that she could be chloroformed and her baby could be kidnapped. Chloe.

Come on, Nicole. Get it together.

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Meanwhile, with Nicole on the run, Joey realized one of her prior dreadful hairstyles was up for grabs, and he pounced on it. It’s also possibly the same hair that Adrienne is sporting in the midst of her chemo anguish. Is this some passive-aggressive way of trying to turn off White Jade? Because if anything might do the trick, this could be it.

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20 Comments on “Hair-Brained Schemes”

  1. ADW Says:

    Nicole has lost her mind. I thought she had common sense and straight smarts but, she was written as a total moron since her last relationship with Daniel.
    If I was going kidnap a child I would certainly advise:
    -Wear my hair Daryl Hanna from splash and pair it with demure sweater set
    -Carry a huge wad of cash inside a carry on bag traceable to Basic Black
    -Talk to strangers, invite then in, and let my guard down
    -Hole up in a roach motel in a seedy area not far from Salem
    -Call the OBGYN of the woman who was awarded custody of said baby
    -Fry the cell phone in the microwave after contacting Dr. Led because nobody will ever be able to track your location before

    • mykleraus Says:

      She’s become an idiot. That list of moronic moves is really shocking — she used to be better than this. I know she’s desperate, but she’s acting like a fool.

  2. ADW Says:

    Joey’s hair is awful. I want to chase him with clippers. I can’t believe Kayla lets him wear it longer than hers.

    • mykleraus Says:

      It’s so sloppy. He’s a good-looking kid. I don’t think it would even look bad long if it were styled and not just running amok!

      • ADW Says:

        I thought Joey was much better looking when he first arrived when his hair was kept very short he has beautiful eyes. Plus, he looks like he gained some weight as his hair grew.
        In all fairness, many Salem residents have bad hair. Claire’s hair looks very stringy. Ciara’s hair just hangs there and she has a bad ombré. Nicole’s hair looked atrious for about 2 years when it was short until she grew it out to an even bob/lob. I like Nicole’s bangs they make her long younger but, they are a little too thick. New Abbie could use some bangs or pieces of fringe make her forehead look a little bit smaller. Jennifer’s hair looked fried and very lifeless when it’s flat ironed. Steve and Shane hair look like men styles straight out of an early ’80s Paul Mitchell book. Phillip’s hair was heinous much of his tenue.

      • mykleraus Says:

        I think Joey is great-looking. The hair makes him look so sloppy. Also the fact that he seems asleep in a lot of his scenes…

        They have SO many hair issues on this show. It’s insane!

  3. underyourwing Says:

    seriously i mean SERIOUSLY does NO ONE actually see how bad this kids hair is? comb it all back or buzz cut the sides like it seems every guy everywhere is doing and leave some buzzed on top….anything but this mess. and yes. nicole. SMH.

  4. Shea Says:

    I get why everyone is going on and on about Joey’s hair but I live in a college town (technically a university town, but whatever) and there are tons of guys that age running around here with shitty hair. I swear half of them get it cut about once a year and comb or brush it about once a week. I can actually respect the fact that the show is allowing the actor to do what he wants to with his hair.

    • mykleraus Says:

      You’re right. It’s definitely accurate. But of all the things for them to decide to mirror reality with… LOL!

      • Shea Says:

        If they were modelling reality we would see Kayla constantly nagging him to get it cut and trying to fix it for him every time she seems him….and he would be wearing a ball cap about 90% of the time.

      • mykleraus Says:

        True! Hahahaha

      • ADW Says:

        LOL 😀 A mother playing with/fixing her child’s hair is more Hope’s and Jennifer’s M.O. Hope is ALWAYS playing with Ciara’s hair or petting Ciara’s head like she’s a freaking Afghan Hound, it drives me crazy. Jennifer pets Abbie’s hair (more often with Kate Mansi) as well. Also, on a side note Hope and Jennifer call their adult daughters “baby” constantly.

      • mykleraus Says:

        I was noticing that about Hope the other day — she could not keep her hands off Ciara’s hair! And LOL about the Afghan Hound. We might get better acting out of one…

  5. Michelle Says:

    I’m in my 30’s and my mom still calls me, sweetie, honey, and baby. She’s also always been a big hugger. It’s just who she is, as she’s like that with other people besides her kids as well. Melissa Reeves kind of strikes me the same way, not sure about Kristian.

    I think Joey’s long hair makes him look as stupid as he sounds. They really do need to re-tool this entire teen scene.

    • mykleraus Says:

      Yeah, I don’t think it’s an uncommon thing for moms with kids of any age. It drives me nuts with Hope, for some reason. It’s strangely distracting. Maybe because Ciara looks like she might short-circuit at any moment.

      • Michelle Says:

        To me, people like Missy and Mary Beth seem naturally mothering and hair touching and baby-ing seem normal when they do it. Kristian just has never come across that way to me, like, she doesn’t seem as much of the touchy fee-ly type, so when she does it, it comes off as odd. Plus the fact that at the moment she’s doing it to a block of wood doesn’t help.

      • mykleraus Says:

        Agreed. I like KA and Hope, but a lot of times, I feel like I can ‘see’ her trying to create chemistry onscreen.

  6. underyourwing Says:

    ok. that does it! i am OLD.

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