Take It Off
You know what I’m always dying to throw on right after I’ve been released from the hospital after a near-death ordeal? A tight, hot pink, lacy, two-piece sheath dress with exposed midriff. In the Midwest. In February.
I mean, Gabi Hernandez is lucky enough to have Camila Banus’s body, so she’d look good in almost anything, but this is pushing it. What about “I was held captive for days and nearly froze to death” makes one want to dress like a Pussycat Doll attending the VMAs in 2006?
Speaking of “if you’ve got it, flaunt it…”
Good grief. Looks like prison treated him a whole lot better than it did Hope. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but those scenes between him and Jennifer were kind of… smoldering? Her coaxing him back into the land of the living is definitely shades of early Jennifer/Jack, but I’m not mad at it. It’s a powerful dynamic, and it’s amazing how much energy scenes can have when you bother to create believable character-based obstacles. I could get into this.
In conclusion, can someone explain to me why White Jade is still on this show?
And who in the world thought I’d be interested in a story about her and her confusingly black father? Oh god, this liver thing is going to be a way to establish that he isn’t actually her father, isn’t it? That isn’t a spoiler — I just guessed it while writing the beginning of this paragraph. This girl seems capable of standing upright and speaking simultaneously, so couldn’t they just have made her Ciara or, like, anyone who I cared to see on my screen?