This Summer’s Gonna Hurt Like a Motherf***er

Happy birthday, Paige!

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I can’t stop laughing at how completely over-the-top everyone was with this surprise. And the minutes of nonstop clucking after they yelled, “Surprise!” Is this really something no one has experienced before?! Devastating revelations aside, what a shitty party. Just what every college student wants: a daytime get-together full of balloons and your boyfriend’s random nosy relatives, like the great-aunt you once helped with a clothing drive and the Chief of Staff whose rape you were briefly fixated on. How fun! It was very glaring how they never hang out with people their own age, like JJ’s cousins Sonny and Will or even Ben, who’s dating Abigail and knew Paige from before. I’m sure Maggie invited Victor and he was like, “LOL,” and Kayla’s all, “Joey wishes he could be here, but he’s either getting his training wheels off or getting his first pubes, I’m not really sure anymore!”

At least this has been entertaining. I probably should have seen it coming that Paige was in the bedroom listening to JJ and Eve, but it caught me by surprise and at least moved this stuff along. True O’Brien has seemed awake for some of this material; her punching JJ was great, and flinging the cake on the ground was one of my favorite recent hilarious moments.

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Paige slapping Eve fell flat, though. It was like Kassie dePaiva leaned away from it, as though she was worried the boring might be contagious. I was a little perplexed when Paige was like, “You haven’t changed my bedroom!” Girl, you moved to the dorms two months ago, and your mother didn’t even bother redecorating when she took that apartment over from your invisible “Cousin Joan.”

I’m also a little baffled by some of the online response blaming Eve for all of this. Yes, she manipulated JJ, but she didn’t force him to have sex with her. He’s 18, not 11, and he did it willingly, over and over, out of some idiotic self-destructive impulse and also because he was horny. If getting someone to have sex with you by convincing them they’re stupid or ugly or worthless is tantamount to rape, then LOCK ME UP (jk… kind of). Eve is the adult, but JJ is also an adult, and if he thinks he’s ready to be in a serious relationship, he should be capable of controlling his impulses. If I’m supposed to have any sort of desire to see him and Paige together after this, then I don’t really know what to think.

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10 Comments on “This Summer’s Gonna Hurt Like a Motherf***er”

  1. underyourwing Says:

    OMGodfather!!!
    Michael grabbing Freodo in a tight embrace and whispering ” I know it was YOU Fredo….you broke my heart….”
    was
    the 1st thing i saw when Paige grabbed her nut job of a mother the same way and said “i know what you did…..” ( or whatever she said then…)
    NO OFFENSE to Al Pacino and John Cazale (RIP).

  2. Jayme Says:

    Did anyone else notice that when JJ said Paige’s name quickly it kinda sounded like ‘Bitch’?

    ‘Bitch, I love you’.
    ‘Bitch, listen to me’.

    All i kept thinking about was that cake on the carpet and if they were going to have to tear down Day & Night Frozen Yogurt Shoppe to pay for cleaning it.

  3. otherweb1 Says:

    Like every other shit-hitting-the-fan sequence in the past year, this one was a piece of shit. Wait, I take that back, a little bit … the whole bit on Jen catching JJ and Eve in bed was actually quite good. But the Paige Party was just SO ridiculous! From beginning to end. Paige and Eve at the apt pre-party, the party, JJ/Jen/Abigail post-party, and Paige/JJ post party, it was all total shit. I am inflamed that I had to go through a year of the Paige/JJ story to get THIS??!!! And either it’s just me, or Casey Moss has been totally checked out for the past few weeks! He used to be the only reason I did not take bathroom breaks during their scenes … he so carried the story. But it’s like he’s just as fed up with it as I am and has just been saying “screw it” for the past few weeks and falling so flat. So it’s been this one woman Cassie show for the past 2 or 3 weeks. Anyway, I never in a million years thought I’d say this, but things have been so bad, culminating in this JJ/Paige crap, that I’m starting to wish Sammi was back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know things are reeealllly bad if I’m wishing Allison Sweeny were back!

    • mykleraus Says:

      Honestly, I thought this one was well done. Way better than the Italy shit, objectively speaking. The pacing was right, the fact that everyone stayed at the party to be shocked was right, Paige blowing Jennifer out of the water was right… The fact that she OVERHEARD instead of piecing clues together annoyed me, given all the time they spent on that stupid jacket, but I thought the scenes themselves were well done. I just wish I cared about the story. We sat through a year of this to watch Paige wake up and yell a lot, which was fun but not worth this stupid journey. And I have no idea what we’re supposed to be rooting for here. But I do think the reveal itself was fairly well executed.

      Casey Moss has definitely seemed off the past few weeks. In his defense, they probably shot all these scenes in like two days, so he could’ve been sick or hungover or exhausted or something. But yeah, I definitely felt like he was out of it for a lot of last week. He felt like he was ACTING!!! or couldn’t remember all his lines.

  4. otherweb1 Says:

    Yes! So it isn’t just me! Casey has been so out of it lately. Maybe if he had been on during the final blowout then all of this would have been ok for me? I haven’t watched any of this week yet, but I’m PRAYING that this is the end of Paige and that she heads off to Stanford next week, never to be seen again! Let Casey collect himself, and then get on to a good story of JJ spiraling downward again, blaming Jen, blaming Jack. After all, for me, this whole thing is about JJ, and his struggle to not end up like his father. The whole Paige thing was just a vehicle for drawing out his inner conflict. It’s not a JJ/Paige love story….thank god!

    But what about Eve? I’d like to say she moves on and busies herself with parent-coaching for Theresa and getting with Rafe. But who knows, maybe they will play up the similarities JJ and Eve have in their personal struggles as well as their common loss of Paige, and they will get together, and it will be part revenge on Jen for JJ ….

    • mykleraus Says:

      That’s my big issue here. The whole story has landed on Paige, which, who cares? And I don’t buy that Eve ‘forced’ JJ to do this or manipulated him or anything else. He knew what he was doing. So he doesn’t know what love is and I don’t think he and Paige should be together, which really makes the rooting value nil here. Mostly I’m just rooting for something interesting to watch…

      • otherweb1 Says:

        Yes! This could really just be the starting point for JJ to go deeper into this like-father-like-son tale. Then we’d have a 2-fer on apples not falling far from the tree if Paul gets Sonny on a conference table in front of Ari.

        And as much as Daniel annoys the crap out of me when he’s with Nicole, I actually like his relationship with JJ, and he could step in again to help him out, and then if Jen could get a grip, the Jen/Dan reunion could start back up again. Because when Jen is also not acting like a buffoon, I actually like Danifer. And, if JJ is going to go bad seed again, then it could be about time he makes friends with his sister’s boyfriend (meaning Ben, not Chad) and maybe even get mixed up with some badness with Clyde and Jeramiah. This could be a golden opportunity for JJ to go totally off the rails. Let’s see though how these lame writers can manage to screw it up.

      • mykleraus Says:

        I really hope they use this as a jumping-off point for new storytelling and don’t just trap us in this stupid loop of JJ/Paige breaking up and making up. I like your idea of Ben pulling JJ into something shady.

        Honestly, after all this Daniel/Nicole bullshit, the idea of Dannifer seems refreshing to me.


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