I’m Not a Bitch, But I’ve Played One on TV!

I keep meaning to do some kind of post about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, a popular documentary about a bunch of harpies who shriek at one another over who did and did not show up to someone’s dinner/White Party/book signing/shoe launch/etc., because two familiar Salem faces are among the cast this season: Eileen Davidson (Kristen/Susan) and Lisa Rinna (Billie). Unfortunately, I also find this show exhausting to watch — and that’s saying something, coming from a person deranged enough to voluntarily commit to blogging about Days! — so once it’s over and I’ve read the week’s Vulture recap (these are brilliant and about 80% of the reason I even watch the show), I try to scrub my brain clean until the next Tuesday hits. Point being, I haven’t gotten around to doing it yet.

But this video, aired on Watch What Happens Live, gives me a reason to do so, as it’s directly related to Days:

Yes, that is Andy Cohen playing Theresa Donovan against Davidson’s Kristen in an actual scene from the show. Go on. If you’ve never appreciated Jen Lilley (Theresa) before, you will after this horrorshow. Also worthwhile for the moment when Davidson goes off-script and calls Theresa “you piece of trash bitch,” which is probably an actual quote from a Real Housewife, come to think of it.

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Now that that’s out of the way, my brief thoughts on the bizarro daytime invasion on RHOBH:

  • Lisa Rinna is amazing. She’s kooky and yet seems to be a good mother and a good friend. She has no problem poking fun at herself — her opening tagline is about her lips! — and yet doesn’t come off as a joke of a person.
  • Eileen got branded as “boring” early on by a lot of online commentators, which I hated to admit was kind of true, but it’s also a compliment because it means that in this world of garish, immature harridans, she has a normal life and does normal things and behaves like a human being who was raised in actual society. The fact that she is consistently appalled by these women’s behavior never fails to amuse me, and I think she’s winning people over with the way that she reacts to the other women’s drama-fests in such rational ways. A highlight for me was when Brandi Glanville was carrying on about how Kyle Richards “cut” her with her bracelet, Eileen just rolled her eyes and told her, “Put some Neosporin on it and get a grip.”
  • It’s truly strange how much of this season of RHOBH has featured talk about daytime soaps, Eileen’s characters on Days and The Young and the Restless, the Daytime Emmys (a webcast filmed via a GoPro placed on a dog’s head and held in someone’s Aunt Stella’s backyard shed), and the like. They even showed an early 90s Days flashback of Kristen and Billie talking!
  • The aforementioned Brandi Glanville, whom Sunset Beach alum Eddie Cibrian dumped for LeAnn Rimes, tried to coax Eileen into “acting like her character” or something over dinner, and when Eileen refused to perform like a trained monkey, Brandi chucked a glass of wine in her face, hoping it would cause Eileen to snap into character as Kristen. Or something. Throughout this and her many apologies, Brandi kept explaining that she “really loved Marlena and John Black.” Maybe we should introduce her to Cindy B.?
  • If I didn’t already think Eileen was a trooper, I’d have been convinced by this past episode, in which a low-budget sci-fi film in which she appeared (as a favor to her friend, who directed it) premiered at the Burbank Film Festival, which is a film festival in the same way that me walking down the street with a sparkler in my butt is a Thanksgiving Day Parade. Eileen managed to keep a smile on her face while an emcee of some sort announced her presence in front of a mall restroom. It actually made Days look glamorous!

Is anyone else watching? Thoughts? In conclusion, both of these shows are ridiculous and may God have mercy on my soul.

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Explore posts in the same categories: Bravo, Days of Our Lives, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Soap Opera, Television

4 Comments on “I’m Not a Bitch, But I’ve Played One on TV!”

  1. Dan Says:

    Andy Cohen really does point out the insanity of the scripts. I’ve always appreciated Lilley, but it really is amazing that she is able to sell the story.

    I’ve seen a little of “Beverly Hills.” Rinna seems decent, but not the type to get involved with all of the drama. Similarly, Brandi’s attack on Eileen was downright Cindy B. territory (maybe Cindy B is Brandi’s alternate personality?). I cannot imagine either Rinna or Davidson doing another year of this nonsense.

    • mykleraus Says:

      I could see Rinna sticking with it. It’s good for her “brand,” I suppose, and she seems happy for whatever opportunities come along. I don’t think Davidson will be back (either because she chooses not to or because Bravo decides she wasn’t exciting enough).

  2. Simon Parris Says:

    Yes, I have been watching RHOBH! The cable channel that airs it also airs Days and Y&R here (in Australia) so they have almost exclusively focussed on Eileen and Lisa in their advertising. They also produce and air Real Housewives of Melbourne, which is not a patch on RHOBH for glamour and histrionics.

    I haven’t watched nay of the US Real Housewives series before but the soap queens brought me to this one an I have loved it. My favourite aspect is actually the chance to peek into those amazing houses. The establishing shots for each new segment can be quite eye popping in revealing the opulence on hand.

    I adore Eileen so I find it hard to see her as boring, but I can see that she doesn’t create the drama of the other women. I take this as a relief! That sci-fi film was definitely low budget! I’m surprised the women and the producers agreed to cover that opening. Maybe Eileen had to do some other segment she didn’t like in return.

    The scene where Brandi thought she knew more about Lisa’s history on Days than Eileen knew was hilarious, and went a long way to showing stupid Brandi is.

    I agree with you about Lisa being amazing. I used to think of her as a bit of a phony celebrity but she has so much heart and plenty of intelligence (especially emotional intelligence) and is so devoted to her causes and her friends. She does go on about addiction a little bit much, but overall the show has really made me love her for so much more than being on Days.

    I keep being afraid it is going to end soon as I will miss my weekly fix.

    Oh, one more thing – I adore Yolanda! She must be the kindest, most grounded woman that one of these shows has ever featured.

    • mykleraus Says:

      What’s interesting is that they have three (out of seven) cast members who generally hold themselves above the drama: Eileen, Lisa R., and Yolanda — and yet the show is still so dramatic. I guess with Brandi, everyone’s VERY busy.

      RHOBH definitely deals in ‘lifestyle porn’ more than the other franchises. I always like seeing where in L.A. they film things, too.


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