Samanther’s Last Stand

Once upon a time — almost 30 years ago to the day, in fact — a pair of twins, a girl and a boy, were born in the absurd little berg of Salem, USA. The boy more or less grew up to be a normal human being, but the girl — the girl is who we’re here to talk about today: Samantha Gene Jean Brady. Eight years after her birth, Sami was a teenaged hellion. She went on to become a young mother… show up for her own wedding in white-girl cornrows… survive the lethal injection… dress up like a man and commit treason in a war zone in the Middle East… and have more failed/disastrous weddings than most people have birthday parties in their lifetime.

But today, after almost 22 years of these shenanigans, Sami bids farewell to Salem, and we bid farewell to her and her portrayer, Alison Sweeney. In honor of this momentous day, I’ve decided to take one for the team and live-blog the episode. As a special bonus, you get cell phone pictures of the screen, since it won’t be up on Hulu for screenshot purposes until tomorrow morning (you’re welcome). Also, if this suddenly cuts out midway, it’s because I blacked out from all the wine it’s going to take to get through all the Daniel and/or Jordan scenes that I won’t be able to fast-forward, so please send help. And away we go…

We open in the DiMera mansion, where Kate and Lucas come in to find Sami signing over DiMera Enterprises to Kate, who’s now sole CEO. Sami says that she knows Kate’s going to tear down their portrait and replace it with one of her solo, but Kate says this one has kind of grown on her.

Adrienne drops by Sonny and Will’s and is shocked to see luggage. Sonny tells her that Will is taking Ari to Los Angeles.

Then we go to Daniel’s apartment, where — oh my god, I forgot this was happening and it’s so much worse than Daniel/Jennifer because I have a very bad feeling about where this is headed — Kristen is breaking down because Brady finally rejected her. Again. I mean, I think it was over-over when you raped his brother the priest, but I’m also a sane human being, so what do I know? Daniel reluctantly consoles her.

At the hospital, John tells Theresa that the person who hit him wasn’t Brady — it was her. Brady conveniently walks up to the open door and hears this. Here comes the opening sequence.

Kate tells Sami that she’s gotten used to her. FLASHBACK TIME! Sami threatens to tell Austin that Kate was a hooker, and Kate (with 90s hair that kind of makes her look like Toad from Super Mario Bros. — how does Lauren Koslow look more amazing 20 years later?!) slaps her. Back in the real world, Sami tells Kate that despite all the grief Kate has given her, Kate taught her how to be tough and fight for herself. Sami makes Kate promise to finish what they started. I can’t say enough how happy I am that so much of Sami’s last year of story has involved Kate.


Kristen pulls back from Daniel and apologizes. She insists that she does love Brady, but Daniel is skeptical, and all I can focus on is that the door is open.  A door is never left open unless someone’s going to skulk outside it and hear/see something. Close your doors, people! The fact that it’s open means you’re both about to make horrible decisions.

Brady tells John and Theresa to both shut up. He can’t believe that “she was right.”

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After the commercial, Kate says she won’t rest until Stefano is neutralized. She tells Sami to take care of herself and the kids in L.A. and not to worry about her. And besides, it’ll be easier to run things without Sami screwing things up. Sami says, “You’re gonna miss me. Admit it.” As Kate tears up, Marlena and Roman come barging in. Roman isn’t going to try and talk Sami out of leaving. Marlena says she’s going to check on the kids and then loudly clears her throat, as if to tell Kate, “Give Sami and Roman some alone time, you idiot.” Kate clears out. Sami tells Roman that she always wanted him to approve of her; Roman just wanted her to be safe and happy. Roman says he’ll be proud of her ’til the day he dies, and they hug.

Allie tells Lucas she’s sad about EJ and how school isn’t fun because Johnny got picked on over his last name. How about that he and his twin sister don’t have the same last name (or father)? That’s effing weird, you guys. Lucas tells Allie she’s the most important thing in the world to him.

Will flits around the apartment and refuses to stop and explain why he’s going on a trip. When he goes into Ari’s room, Adrienne asks Sonny what’s really going on.

Kristen tells Daniel how she got a recording of Theresa confessing to John’s attack and how Brady didn’t believe her. She bemoans how this is the one time she didn’t do anything wrong (except bug two innocent women!), and Brady still believed the worst. She’s sure Daniel is enjoying this chance to be right. Meanwhile, I’m wondering why it’s okay for a grown woman to walk around with her bra showing like this. Daniel is surprisingly sympathetic: he knows exactly how she feels, having her heart broken. MAKE IT STOP.

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Brady makes John confirm that Theresa hit him. He wants to hear why John would have lied about this and guesses that it was about Kristen.

Adrienne tells Sonny that Sami doesn’t need a babysitter (which is blatantly untrue; the woman has watched her own kids for approximately 87 minutes ever). Sonny explains that Will is writing the screenplay. Adrienne rolls her eyes: “The Sami Brady Story. God help us!” Adrienne thinks it’s weird that Sonny and Will are going to spend this much time apart… says the woman whose husband has been “out of town on business” for like eight months.

Roman tells Sami she’s a great mother and is doing the right thing for the kids. Why is he talking like John? Not that I’ve understood anything he’s said since about 1999, but this is a new kind of weird. Sami is elated when Eric walks in to say his goodbyes.

Brady berates John for this latest idiotic scam. He’s furious that John let him go on believing that he did this to his own father and then asks if being with “this liar is better than being with the other one.” Finally someone points out that both these women are awful choices! He’s horrified that the only person who was honest with him was Kristen.

Kristen goads Daniel about how he must be feeling so superior. She wants him to go save his friend from “that golddigger bitch.” He gets up and tells her, “You really shouldn’t be here.” Oh my god, this is like watching a car accident happen in slow motion. I know I made a joke about how my payback for live-blogging this episode would be having to sit through a million Daniel/Jennifer scenes, but this is so much worse. Kristen asks what happened with him and Jennifer now to set him off. Daniel screams, “Shut the hell up!”

Roman tells Johnny to keep a good eye on his mom and sisters. Abe comes into the yard and says that he and Theo came to say goodbye (but Theo is “upstairs with his Uncle Chad”). Abe brings him EJ’s watch, and Johnny puts it on. Roman and Abe tell him how much EJ loved him. I’m going to miss Johnny so much. Johnny says, “I’m going to be just like him,” which is basically the most ominous thing anyone has ever said. Roman and Abe trade a look like someone just farted and they don’t know what to do.

Adrienne makes a bunch of passive-aggressive comments to Will, and Sonny looks uncomfortable.

Sami tells Eric about her little détente with Nicole. He’s surprised. They talk about how the kids want to bring their Japanese fighting fish and gecko with them. Eric gives Sami a digitized photo of them as little kids. I wish they could show flashbacks to them as teens! Show Jensen Ackles! I won’t mind! Sami tells him what a wonderful, kind human being he is, and to protect himself from people taking advantage of his good nature. Marlena walks in to see the twins hugging.

Theresa insists that Kristen made up a story. She just wants revenge. Brady says all Theresa has been doing is lying and manipulating for months. He’s sure John must be loving this. Brady for some reason guesses that Daniel knows the truth, because Daniel obviously knows everything.

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Back in the house of horrors that is Daniel’s apartment, he breaks it to Kristen that he and Jennifer are done forever. Daniel keeps screaming, “GAWN! She’s GAWN!!!” to make his point. I usually try and defend Shawn Christian, because he doesn’t write the character, but this ~SRS ACTING~ is truly horrible.

Marlena says that Sonny and Will (who apparently teleported to the mansion) are helping Sydney with something secret. Eric knows it’s the fish and rushes out! Marlena cries as she and Sami are left alone. This feels like such a big goodbye. Yeah, like how you didn’t come visit her for two damn years, including when her baby died.

Now Sonny and Will are in the DiMera backyard. Will just wants Sami to be happy and can’t say no. Sonny knows the feeling. They hug.

Brady wants the truth from Theresa. She lamely says that Kristen is making it up. Brady drops the bomb that Kristen has a recording. John tries to jump in, and Brady tells him to go to hell. He says he’s going to see someone he knows he can trust.

Kristen tells Daniel, “Sorrynotsorry” (lol) and that she can’t take him seriously. Jennifer always gets over it. She is telling some serious truths today. She taunts him as she picks up the portrait of him and Jennifer, and Daniel goes to grab it out of her hands. Suddenly they are very close and THEY START KISSING MAKE IT STOP AHHHHH SHE’S RIPPING HIS SHIRT OFF

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John barks at Brady not to go back to Kristen. Theresa chases him to the elevator. He shoves her off him, and she hilariously staggers into a cart in the most awkwardly staged thing since Eve’s fall earlier this week.

Will says he’s going to miss Sonny just as much. Sonny wants this for Will, it’s only six months, blah blah. They kiss.

Flashbacks to Marlena and teen Sami! In their old house! God, Ali Sweeney has grown up on this show.

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Both actresses are really crying, and I’m dead. Sami says there’s so much she never said, and she’s so sorry for how hard she made it on Marlena. Marlena never gave up on her. The kids (including Theo) come racing in. They say they’re all packed and ready. She sends the kids to the car. Sami and Marlena walk out with their arms around each other.

When we come back from commercial, Sami races back into the living room to get one last thing: a photo album. She looks at old pictures of her and Lucas, her in the candy striper’s uniform, her and Carrie… my god. I’m a mess of tears now. She clutches the photo album and takes one final look around the mansion she stole from her dead husband and his evil father.

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Theresa snaps at John this is not over.

In my worst nightmare (EXCEPT IT’S REAL), shirtless Daniel and Kristen crash down onto his bed. Brady gets off the elevator and finds the door open. Instead of knocking and calling out like a normal person with any manners, he just wanders inside. Are they going to cut back to this horrifying bullshit to end the episode, like the time Maggie came downstairs to tell Jennifer that Alice had passed away, and then they panned to a lovely photo of Alice and Tom, and then they cut to the hospital and ended the episode on Carly barging in to rat Chloe out for sleeping with Philip? Ugh.

Sami says her goodbyes to Abe and Eric. Kate goes for a handshake, and Sami forces her into a hug, too. She thanks Sonny for lending her his husband and kid. They also hug. Marlena promises to come visit. Sweeney and Hall are still in tears. I don’t know how they got through filming this. Sami tells Roman she’ll need a police expert if they’re gonna make a movie about her life. (Wasn’t Roman already in Hollywood consulting on a movie, that time everyone got trapped in the Pub during a rainstorm and fantasized about being in unnamed Oscar-nominated movies?)

Lucas comes in and says the kids are tearing up the limo. She races to the door, and Lucas says they’re just having fun. More hijinks about the reptiles and such. Lucas teases that Sami’s the general now. She tells Lucas he always is. She can’t believe she’s leaving. Lucas says yeah — that’s usually his thing. But he’ll track her down soon. Will tells Sami it’s time. “So this is it. Wish me luck!” Roman tells Sami to watch out — Hollywood can be tough. Sami: “Then they better watch out for me.”

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And she goes.Whoa — they’re actually letting the episode end on this instead of cutting back to Daniel. I am in shock and also in tears. Marlena, Roman, and Lucas step outside to watch Sami go, and that’s it.

I don’t think it’s going to sink in for a while that she’s really, truly gone. Sami has been a part of my everyday life for over 17 years. I’m really impressed that they took  the time to give her a sendoff with every actor and character they needed to, though, and I look forward to seeing her again for the 50th anniversary.  Goodbye, Sami. Goodbye, Alison. And I guess I’ll be tuning in tomorrow to see what kind of fresh hell awaits.

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12 Comments on “Samanther’s Last Stand”

  1. DancingDays Says:

    Excellent recap. Srsly can’t thank you enough for doing this so the rest of us didn’t have to watch it.

    Sounds like it was pretty much two separate shows: Sami’s goodbye and the continuous shitshow of Brady/Kristen/Daniel (the worst triangle in history?). IMO, a show of all flashbacks would’ve been a better tribute. Sami’s done a LOT of shit. Most of which I wouldn’t mind reliving.

    • mykleraus Says:

      I would have been fine with an hourlong goodbye, too, but I get the idea of wanting to give people a reason to tune in tomorrow instead of it feeling like a series finale. THAT SAID, a freakshow like this was not the way to do it. Though I guess it certainly qualifies as a Halloween frightfest?

  2. Dylan Says:

    Thanks for the recap. Sami’s goodbye was so well done :). However, the Kristen/Daniel scenes made me want to puke.. Yuck!! I suspected this would happen with Jennifer constantly mentioning “seeing Daniel and Kristen together”. But what on earth? So disappointed with Kristen’s return – she’s been having most of her scenes with Daniel!

  3. Farah Says:

    Will they ever stop wasting fan favorite female characters on Daniel? Stop trying to make him happened! I guess a small part of me was naive enough to think, they wouldn’t pair him with Kristen. Her entire return has been a flop. She’s barely interacted with her family. She was only brought back to be the latest notch on Daniel’s bedpost.

    • mykleraus Says:

      I truly do not comprehend the insistence on forcing Daniel into the center of the show.

      Eileen’s return was worth it to me because we got to have Kristen there for EJ’s death *and* we got the Susan appearance. But there was no story.

  4. UnderYourWing Says:

    1. I love Lauren not only for her beauty but becasue she loves her 2 pit bulls! way to go Lauren. Best breed EVER.

    2. The Friday episode of Days is of course pre-empted here in the SF Bay Area so we can watch a bunch of insane drunk crazy Giants fans ( way to go Giants!!) have a lunatic World Series Parade.

    3. Can someone do ANYTHING with Doctor Dan’s HAIR???? like maybe style it??

    • mykleraus Says:

      1. I didn’t know she had pit bulls! It’s funny to imagine her as Kate dealing with them.

      2. Seriously?! That’s ridiculous. Thank god for Hulu the next morning, at least.

      3. OMG, why won’t they cut it?! He’s not a bad-looking guy, but he looks like a goddamned fool. It’s so bushy and out of control!

  5. UnderYourWing Says:

    3. maybe we can get lauren’s pitties to drop by and gnaw on his head?

  6. Andie Says:

    LOL on Kate’s Toad the shroom man’s hair and Abe and Roman’s looks like someone farted (nobody seems to burp or have audible gas on this show but, as you say John’s always smelling farts). 😄Excellent recaps and photos. I remember Alison Sweeney’s nearly apperence in Salem nearly 22 years ago, Roman had his gun drawn bc he thought she was an intruder, “Daddy don’t shoot!!” I wish they would’ve shown that scene in the flashbacks just replace Wayne Northup’s face with this Roman.

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